Day Twelve: Writing

I am an incredible writer.

I don’t want to toot my own horn, but sometimes you have to. Today is the last day of NaNoWriMo and for those of you who don’t know, means that I wrote 50,000 words in a month. Just to give you some perspective, that is roughly 1,700 words a day. In Times New Roman font, size twelve, that’s about three pages a day. We all remember how hard it was in high school to write a five paragraph essay, imagine writing one every single day for a month.

This is less of an “I’m awesome” and more of an “Everybody who even tries to do NaNo is awesome.” Seriously, this is a pretty hefty task to take on. Planning and plotting a novel, or even part of a novel, is seldom an easy thing. Even fifty thousand words of gibberish is a lot of writing.

I decided to do my novel this year as a follow up to the book I wrote previous, Cornerstone Café,which is available on Amazon. This is also kind of a big deal for me because I usually don’t have the patience to do a sequel. I’m usually right on to my next big idea.

I love to write. It is my life’s passion. I pursued it in college as a degree and I plan to pursue it someday as a career. I have so many ideas in my head it’s positively crazy. Honestly, a movie studio should hire me and just stick me in a room to write for them. I’ve got so much going on they wouldn’t even have to worry about another Writer’s Strike.

Anyway, I wanted to throw out the congratulations for all the NaNo folks out there. We’re the ones hiding in the coffee shops and the bookstores hording the internet and trying like mad to write three pages before tomorrow. Next year, another novel.

Challenge to my Readers:

Write something today.  A poem, a story, a letter to grandma. Even a grocery list. But write it and love that it was written by you and therefore worth something.  

Also, if you get the chance, check out the sponsors of Nano, The Office of Letters andLights. They help bring writing seminars to people all over the world.  

Day Eleven: Courage

I am courageous in more ways than one.

Today I had to go to the doctor and have them show me how to stick myself with needles for my condition. I was convinced that my fear of needles wouldn’t matter because the casing of the medication hides them from me. Well, apparently that is less than true, because when the nurse started telling me about the needles and how I have to watch the plunger go all the way down, I had a little panic attack.

Then I remembered that even though I’m scared of needles, these needles would make me better; this fear is a good fear.

Over the last six months I have met with over fourteen health experts, drastically changed my diet and my lifestyle and accepted the fact that I might have to remove a part of my body someday just so I can stay alive. Someone asked me yesterday how I deal with it, and I told them that I have no choice. But honestly I do. I could cry and whine about my illness and pray to make it go away, but that won’t change anything.

I have recently come to terms with the fact that I am brave. I have many friends who told me that they would never fly by themselves. I flew to Oregon to visit a friend and got into a stranger’s car to go find him.

Not many people can say that they have published a book. Putting my work out there is one of the most terrifying things I can imagine. But my wonderful boyfriend helped me find the courage to E-publish through Amazon.

Courage isn’t always jumping out of airplanes or swimming with sharks. The bravery it takes to make it through a tough day is sometimes the greatest courage you can have. I am not afraid of fire or spiders or bugs or dirty dishes or mud or anything else so mundane. My fear of revolving doors is yet to be resolved, but I’m getting there.

Challenge to my Readers:

Admit to something you fear and plan a way to get over it. Whether it’s bugs or heights, knowing what you are afraid of is the first step to being brave. 

Day Ten: Tips

I make good tips.

This is something I have gotten quite proud of over the last few years. When I am at work or at a catering event or even babysitting, I make damn good tips. I once did the math, and I make fifty percent more tips than the rest of my co-workers. Which is not to say that I’m a better worker than them, just that I have a more bubbly personality. I also have the advantage of boobs, a department my two male co-workers are sadly lacking in.

This may seem like a kind of silly thing to be proud of, but I work really hard for my tips. Tips are how my customer’s acknowledge that I have made them happy. Making other people happy makes me happy; even more so when they acknowledge it monetarily. It seems a little material for me to care so much about tips, but anyone who works a minimum wage job knows that tips are sometimes what makes or breaks the bank.

Aside from that, remember my earlier blog about rewards for myself. I try to pay for those rewards with my tips because the money is outside my budget, outside my paycheck. Sometimes I save them up for something I need, like the comforter I got for my boyfriend and my bed. Especially at this season I save them up to buy presents for people.

People don’t really think about tips unless they’re earning them. Ever since I started working for tips at my job, I’ve been keen to over tip at restaurants and coffee shops because I know exactly what those people feel like. For every person who tips, there are ten who don’t. Even when the service is less than stellar, it’s sometimes still nice to tip because it isn’t always your server’s fault. If your food order is wrong, isn’t hot enough or doesn’t taste right, that’s hardly the fault of the person bringing it to you. It’s the cook or the chef. They get paid salary so they don’t have to worry about tips; don’t take out your frustration on the poor girl who had to spend her whole first paycheck on the nice black on black outfit she has to wear as your hostess. 

Here’s a little secret: if you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out. Go home and make your own dinner or buy it from the grocery store where the only person who messes it up is you. Guys and girls should always budget tips for dates. Business dinners as well; you look like a massive asshole if you stiff the waitress at dinner with your boss.

Challenge to my Readers:

Next time you’re out, be aware of your tip. Even though most of my readers tip automatically, make your wallet and self aware of it by tipping maybe a dollar more than usual. Or write a nice note of thanks for your server.

Do the right thing and tip the right amount: Ten percent standard, fifteen for good service and twenty for really good service or a cute waitress. At coffee shops, my barista friends say it goes a long way if you just drop the coins from your change into their cup.

If you really can’t tip or you’re in one of those places that includes tip in the charge (Europe,) do the next best thing and use your phone or Ipad or computer to write a short, nice review on FourSquare or Yelp. You would be surprised how much even writing “I love this place” makes my day just a little better. 

Day Nine: Legs

I have fabulous legs.

I love my legs. Everyone has a favorite feature and I have to say that my legs are one of my best attributes. Aside from making me feel sexy, my legs make me feel powerful and graceful. Summer is my favorite clothing season because I get to wear flirty skirts and short shorts to show off my fabulous legs.

Recently I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. (See other blog.)The medication for said debilitating illness is called Humira. It’s a shot that I have to inject myself with, the same way diabetics do with insulin. Only I inject myself in my thigh.

I’m really kind of excited to start my medication. Mostly because it will relieve the symptoms of Crohn’s, the major one being appetite suppression; as in I don’t hardly eat. But also because, as my best friend has pointed out to me, this is the excuse I’ve been waiting for to wear miniskirts.

I officially declare thigh highs and micro-minis a new winter staple.

Challenge to my Readers:

Fish for a compliment about your favorite body part. Sometimes it’s just good to hear that other people like your butt, your hair or your nose as much as you do. Alternatively, compliment someone on something you know they’re insecure about. Acknowledge that every part of them is beautiful. 

Day Eight: Marvel v. DC

I am a comic book kid.

Last night at work I had a little boy come in who was wearing gloves with Spiderman on them. I complimented him and told him that Spiderman was one of my favorite super heroes. He said “I didn’t know girls could like Spiderman.”

His parents and I laughed it off a little, but it made me realize that I love the fact that I love comic books. Ever since I was a little kid, my parents would buy my brother comic books and I would steal them to read under the covers with a flashlight. Considering that I own the entirety of the Spiderman v. Carnage arc, it explains why I’m a little messed up.

While talking to a friend who has a seven year old girl, I asked him if he tried getting her into graphic novels and comics to help her enjoy reading more. He told me that he would love to, but his wife didn’t want her to read comic books because they had too much violence in them. She said that the little girl was too young to expose to that kind of violence. Meanwhile, she happily allowed my friend to take their five year old son to the Avengers movie.

Growing up in the nineties, there was a definite dichotomy between girls and boys when it came to reading. Little girls read The Baby-Sitter’s Club, which if you recall treats women like unpaid civil servants who are good for nothing but crushing on guys and watching small children in their free time. Boys got to read Goosebumps and comic books. I grew up around mostly boys so I read a lot of comic books as a child, and I mean a lot. We have a dresser upstairs just full of the things. They aren’t worth anything either because my brother and I read them so many times that they’re all falling apart.

Spiderman, Superman, The Xmen and Hellboy (best superhero ever!) taught me something that the Baby-Sitter’s Club could never teach me: self-value.  The basis for BSC was that young women could learn lesson about honesty, bravery and love while preforming their natural role as caretakers of small children. Superheroes taught me that courage, strength and heart are the best weapons against all enemies and that all weaknesses we have should be embraced and protected, not exploited. The mutants of the XMen universe struggle with the same self-acceptance that I and many others struggle with every day.

I am aware that the comic book world is a male dominated field and that most of our superheroes are boys in tights (no comment.) But there is a growing love for the strong female in our comic universe. Recently Cat Woman and Black Widow have become some of the most wildly popular heroes among boys and girls. I’m not saying you should let your daughter dress in a skin tight cat suit for Halloween, but there is no harm in letting them read a story about a girl who isn’t afraid to walk alone at night, who fights for what she believes in and carries a story independent of the male protagonist.

I love comics and I love graphic novels and I love superheroes. Being raised on this kind of literature has helped me to be a stronger person, a stronger woman and a better writer. I know my geekness is something my boy loves about me, too.

Challenge to my Readers:

Be someone’s hero today by doing something nice. Donate to charity, serve at a food bank, buy from locally owned small shops instead of big box stores. Help someone carry their groceries or say something nice to someone having a bad day.

In the meantime, also check out all these people who are working to be heroes for the whole world:

Free the Girls

(Red)

Habitat for Humanity

Bread for the World

Operation Home Front

In the giving spirit, buy a tshirt or a bracelet from your favorite charity to give to a friend. They make great gifts, support good causes and help raise awareness. We don’t have to wear tights to be superheroes.

Note: It saddens me to write this, but at this time of year many scam charities come out of the woodwork. Make sure that your money, your time and your donations go to the place that is doing the most good. This site will tell you the top rated charities according to their rigorous standards. Not all charities are on here, but many of the major ones are.

Day Seven: Determination

I am very determined.

I see what I want and I go and get it. I work hard for what I have and I’m determined to be as independent as possible. A lot of times I come across as stubborn; I refuse to skip work if I’m sick, when I see something wrong I fix it myself, and I refuse to ask for help even when I probably should.

I’ve had a lot of false starts in the determination area. I’ve always thought that being determined means that you will never give up, that you would do anything for what you want. What I’ve come to realize is that determination is actually knowing when to quit and when to move on, when to move forward and when to step back. Determination isn’t about winning every battle; it’s about fighting the good fight and keeping yourself safe and healthy.

I’m proud of myself for being so driven because I think it speaks highly to my moral character. There are times when the world gets me down, especially lately while I look for a job that pays higher than minimum wage. But my strength is what will keep me going, long after I’ve applied to every job that I’m qualified for and even some that I am not.

I prize my determination because it has gotten me this far. I have three degrees, speak multiple languages and I’m slowly but surely learning algebra again. I have a solid and stable relationship with my boyfriend and a puppy whom I adore. My determination has helped me keep all these things and helped me achieve all my dreams so far.

  

Challenge to my Readers:

Sometimes it’s just nice to recognize how determined someone is. Today you should tell yourself how proud you are of all that you have accomplished. Forget about the things you haven’t done and focus on those things you have done.

Day Six: Likes and Dislikes

I like what I like, regardless of what others say.

This one took a long time for me to come to. When I was in high school, I had a lot of friends who would look down on people because of what they liked or didn’t like. I actually hid the fact that I was on Student Council and Prom Committee for two years because I was so worried about what they would think. It wasn’t so much as anything overt, but I would hear a lot of “God, that band is lame” or “Why do you want to see that movie? It’s stupid.” I don’t think they meant to make me insecure, but it did. What people don’t realize is that we are taught very young to pick favorite things and to make those things a part of ourselves.

 This goes equally for those things which we don’t like. People are always surprised when I tell them I’m not a fan of JRR Tolkien. Everyone likes Lord of the Rings, so why wouldn’t I?

“You’re an English major, aren’t you supposed to like good books?”

When someone said this to me, I felt like punching them. They made me feel as though my intelligence was somehow lacking because I didn’t enjoy a certain book.  And then the other day someone very close to me made this comment: “Anyone who likes Twilight is retarded.”

Word for word.

First off, we won’t even go into the fact that they shouldn’t have used the word retarded in a derogatory manner. Secondly, I like Twilight. I’m aware of the fact that is subpar literature and the story line has a couple plot holes so large you could drive not one but several semis through it. I’m aware that the movies receive more hate than they deserve and the fans don’t help themselves with their odd portrayal of their obsessions.

But I like Twilight because it’s an easy read.

I spent most of my college career reading books about academic standards and ancient poetry and obscure Russian literature. Sometimes it’s really nice to read something that my brain doesn’t have to work overtime to digest.

Aside from Twilight, I also like Justin Bieber. I like One Direction and The Jonas Brothers. I love Salena Gomez and Taylor Swift too. I get a lot of grief from my friends and sometimes my family because of the books, movies, music and activities that I enjoy. People don’t do it on purpose, but I’m telling you now that I have no desire to hear about the things that you don’t like. Tell me about the things you do like, give me a chance to tell you why I think Train’s new CD is genius.

Sometimes we say things without thinking about who is listening, even if we know who that person is. Like I said, I hid a lot of my activities from my friends for several years because I was scared of being mocked for them. And every time they slammed StuCo for their spirit week ideas, they weren’t aware that they were slamming me.

 And just in case you think I’m the only one who has this problem, check out this article here where Taylor Swift talks about being insecure about her newest album because an old boyfriend made her feel bad for liking and performing music that was popular.

 Challenge to my Readers:

Before you knock something, think hard about what you might be saying. The next time you have the urge to say, oh, Twihards are retarded, try saying something more constructive, like: Twilight isn’t my thing.

Instead of talking constantly about things that you hate, talk about what you love and what makes you happy. If someone else is made happy by something you don’t like, don’t comment, just move on. You have no right to disrespect their happiness.

Day Five: Conversation

I can talk to anyone.

This was a compliment actually paid to me today, so that makes me very happy. My boyfriend’s grandmother pointed out that I have that special ability to just chat up strangers. It means a lot to me to have her say this because I think very highly of her.

I am an incredibly social person. I’m that girl at the party that’s talking makeup and dresses with the girls and trading dirty jokes with the guys. I’ve gotten very good at being a conversational chameleon. I love talking to people because I find people very interesting. Everyone has a story, or several, and getting the chance to share them is exactly why we all get together to talk anyway.

Socializing is a kind of dead art. Once upon a time, people used to host salons where men and women would talk art and politics and everything else. These days no one wants to go over to someone’s house unless there’s something to do. When was the last time you went to someone’s house with just the intention of talking, sitting around and chatting? No beer pong, no Wii Sports, just you and your friends having a conversation.

I love to talk and sometimes that bothers people. But I’m good at working a crowd and socializing at parties because I always have something to say. I think this links back to the fact that I like to read about everything. If you know a little bit about everything, you’ll have something to add to every conversation.

People are awesome once you get to know them. The best way to get to know someone is to talk to them.

Challenge to my Readers:

Have a conversation with a stranger today. It’s not hard; even someone on the bus, in the grocery store, someone you’ve never talked to at school or a customer at work. Ask them a question about something specific and listen to their answer.

Before you know it, you’ll be having a conversation. 

Day Four: Thankful

I love what I have.

Today is Thanksgiving so it’s only natural that I write about what I’m thankful for. Today is a day for family. I know that they can drive me absolutely nuts. During this year’s Thanksgiving, it was made adamantly clear to me that anything that went wrong with the dinner was my fault. The gravy was too salty because I added too much salt. The cranberries were too tart because I didn’t add enough sugar. The dog got some turkey because he jumped into my lap to get it.

 My family doesn’t realize how much I’ve spent the last three years hating myself, hating my body, hating the things that I fail at.

But I love my family. My dad is my hero and my mom is one of the smartest people I know. My brother is L.A.Z.Y lazy, but he’s also the guy who kept me from going crazy in high school. Even though they make me infuriated at times, they are the people who support me.

More importantly I am thankful for my boyfriend. He is the family I have always wanted and always needed. He is everything in the world to me. I can’t imagine sharing another life with anyone else. We are two bodies but one soul.

I’m also very thankful for my friends, especially for my best friend. She’s been the greatest influence in my life. She’s really helped me become a better person and kept me on the road to loving myself.

Every Tuesday night I go to trivia with all my friends. Every once and a while I can just sit still and remember that even though I have trouble loving myself, there are people who love me no matter what.

Happy Thanksgiving ya’ll!

Challenge to my Readers: 

Today, be thankful. Also, don’t set your house on fire. That is all. 

Day Three: Knowledge

I love knowledge.

This is one of those things I will probably bring up more than once over the course of this year, so I figured I would bring it up early on. I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. That sounds like the kind of crap you might see on one of those fancy college brochures, but I am being completely literal here. I love to read and I do so constantly. I can go maybe twenty minutes without reading something before my brain starts to freak out. I kid you not; I forgot my book and my phone in my car at work the other day and the hour I had to wait for my coworker to arrive so I could leave the shop and get them was the longest hour of my life. I started reading the menu over and over again so I could memorize it.

I have an extensive list of interests: Math, science, art, history, archaeology  anthropology, basically any of the ology stuff. I’m good at retaining information too; I can read it and regurgitate it almost word for word.

I know a lot of random stuff, and this is sometimes mistaken as knowing everything. I don’t know everything; I don’t even want to know everything because after you know everything there is nothing left to learn. Instead I like to know a little bit about everything. This often backfires; a lot of people in my life have told me I’m a know-it-all. They say it as an insult. I don’t mind but it does sting a little. When you make fun of someone for how much they know, you’re really only proving your own unwillingness to learn.

I’ve been called geek, nerd, booknose, the whole gamut of insults referring to my intellect. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not necessarily smarter than anyone else, I just know a lot of stuff. Knowledge is information; smarts is what you do with it.

I’m not trying to be smarter than anyone; I just like learning new things. And I want to share it with you. I’m like a kid with a shiny new toy; I just want to show it to you and see that you love it as much as I do.

Challenge to my Readers:

Learn something new today. Even if it is a silly new joke (or a dirty one, if you’re like me) or a random useless fact. Once you’ve learned something, share it with someone. Hell, share it with everyone on facebook and twitter. Be excited to learn something new.

Resources:

Random Fact Generator

Instructables: DIY everything

MindLab

One in 8 Million

Ted Talks

Day Two: Rewards

I give myself rewards.

This may seem like a kind of strange thing to be proud of, but it is something I’m proud of. Whenever I need to get something done, I promise myself something in return. Sometimes it’s something small like getting Starbucks or a special candy bar. Sometimes it’s something more like a sweater I want or a new song on my Ipod. I try to match my reward to whatever it is I need to accomplish. 

Here’s an example: When I was graduating from my graduate program, I had to do something called a comp exam. For the education department it means writing a really long paper, answering questions about education theory and practice and backing it up with sources. Whatever. It’s a really long paper. Rather than save it to the last minute, I decided to write it over my spring break. As a reward, I was going to let myself get whatever I wanted in the Rockies Collection from Victoria’s Secret. The Rockies are my baseball team (even though they sucked this year) and it was a pretty big deal for me. So for spring break I spent six hours a day for five days in a coffee shop writing this ungodly long paper. (Final page count was like, thirty six, thirty eight pages or something.) When I finished, I turned in the paper, went to VS and got my sweatshirt and my t-shirt and my jersey. And then I spent the summer going to games and looking very sporty.

For the record, I received the highest honors on that paper.

The reason I’m proud of this trait is because I think we spend too much time punishing ourselves and not enough time rewarding ourselves. I know a lot of people who get coffee at Starbucks every day, which is fine. But imagine how much less guilty you would feel about your daily coffee fix if you attached it to something like taking out the trash in the morning, doing your homework promptly or, if you’re me, getting blood work done at the doctor’s. Society tells us that giving ourselves things that we want makes us greedy. That splurging on a cute dress or buying expensive coffee makes us bad with money. But think of it this way: my dog gets a treat every time he sits down, or rolls over, or is just generally good. Why shouldn't I get a treat whenever I do something I need to do? It makes me more likely to do it and get it done, and it also keeps me from feeling bad when I do something nice for myself.

It takes practice to feel good about yourself, and sometimes a chocolate bar helps you achieve that.

Challenge to my Readers:

Today you should do something you've been putting off. It can be cleaning out a closet, calling your grandmother/mother/distant relative. Maybe it’s not complaining when your co-workers didn't make any waffle cones the night before so you have to do them all this morning. Whatever it is, once it’s done, reward yourself.

And feel good about it. 

Day One: Eyes

Day One: Eyes

I have pretty blue eyes.

I love my blue eyes. When I see them, I don’t just see any old pair of blue eyes. I see my family, my heritage, my past and my future all in one. My family is hardcore Irish, like super duper Irish, old school Catholic Irish folk. Our blue eyes are part of our ancestry. Both of my parents have blue eyes; all four of my grandparents had blue eyes. My boyfriend has blue eyes, which means that one day our children will also have blue eyes.

Even though I have no control over it, I hope that one day my grandchildren will have blue eyes.

I love my blue eyes because I know they make my boyfriend swoon. I love them because they look good when I use brown eyeliner. My eyes pop when I wear blue or green or purple, and when I dyed my hair red they doubled in intensity.

My eyes are one of my favorite features.

Challenge to my Readers:

Today, compliment someone on their eyes. Everyone loves to get a compliment about their skirt/shirt/shoes/jewelry. But when you compliment someone on their eyes, you’re assuring them that you aren't just looking at how nice their body or clothes are. You are making an intimate, non-physical contact with them; complimenting their eyes proves that you had to look them in the eyes.

After all, the eyes are the windows to the soul. If you compliment someone’s eyes, you’re really complimenting their soul. 

Introduction

Once upon a time, I got tired of my people (read: my mother) telling me that I’m not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, too fat, too skinny, too stubborn, too stupid to do anything.  As I’ve pointed out in my other blog, I see a lot of hate in the world. We’re always hating on each other, on each other’s beliefs, on the things we like and don’t like. But the worst hate of all is self-hate.

 I decided I wanted some therapy. My therapist says I should stay away from poisonous influences in my life, but there are some influences (read: my mother) that you can neither escape nor seem to want to. My own self-image is also something that is nearly impossible to escape.

A few years ago I had a teacher who told me that every morning I should look in the mirror and give myself a compliment. It worked for like, a week, tops. It’s a nearly impossible task not because I run out of compliments or anything, but because I forget. It’s six in the freaking AM! I’m too tired to think of why I like my hair; I just want it to stay in a ponytail!

So I’ve decided to start a blog: for the next year, every day I will [try] to post something that I like about myself.  Some days I might forget (see above) or maybe I can’t upload what I wrote because the internet is still a finicky magical being at my house rather than a defined resource. But I want to be able to love myself.

Love is a tricky thing. Like all great feats, it takes practice. After all, you do not simply wake up one morning knowing how to love someone. You don’t look across the room and immediately know how and how much you love that man over there. Love takes practice. It is no wonder that self-love would also take time and practice.

I’m not doing this alone either. There are other people like me who want someone to tell them their pretty, smart, brave, strong, smell good, have nice hair or a cute blouse. We should be willing to compliment ourselves as much as we are willing to compliment others. Even though we live in a society that tells us that vanity is wrong, we create a bubble around ourselves where positive thinking and good self-image is treated as a negative aspect of the human psyche. She thinks she’s pretty, god how vain. She’s so skinny, she must be bulimic. He has a nice job and drives a nice car, he’s probably Republican.

Tomorrow I want to look in the mirror and feel a little better about who I am. The day after that, I want to feel even better about who I have been. Soon, the mirror won’t even be necessary anymore.

I cannot truly love another if I hate myself.