Day One Hundred and Ninety: Friendly

I sat down for coffee tonight and ran into an old classmate.

Remember how I can talk to anyone. Well, that is what we did. We talked. It was nice to catch up, to reminisce about our shared class. It was nice to see who we still remembered from school and who we had completely forgotten.

I think too often we have a fear of talking to people we don’t know. We didn’t recognize each other until after we started talking, and then realized our shared connection. If we hadn’t taken those first few sentences to introduce ourselves, we might have never known.

Everyone has something to share. The other night one of my coworkers told me about how she helped a little old woman carry her groceries home from the store and spent the walk talking to the woman. I thought about how cool that was of her, and also how rare. How often do we get the chance to meet someone and know them, only to let it slip through our fingers?

So, friend I met tonight, I hope I’ll see you here at Starbucks again. (If she’s anything like me, she’ll stalk me on facebook when she gets home tonight and see my blog. Hi!)

Challenge to my Readers:

Share the journey. Talk to strangers. Don’t take their candy though, that’s mean.

Day One Hundred and Eighty Nine: Proud

I am exactly where I need to be right now.

Okay, I’m struggling because I’m having trouble finding my footing, but I am proud of how far I have come. Not just from last year when I graduated, or nine months ago when I was diagnosed or anything like that. I’m proud of how far I have come as a person, as a whole.

I think that it is hard to measure where we come from. We track ourselves in weight ,in paychecks, number of friends, sizes of houses. We forget that moving forward isn’t always the only option. Moving up is not always the right choice. Sometimes we need to move back. Left. Maybe right.

My boyfriend and I have moved out of living in my folks basement to living in an apartment. We are poorer than ever, but we have come so far from hiding in the safety and refuge of my family’s home.

I started my job as a scooper and worked my way up to management. (It only took five years, but hey, who’s counting?) I have a lot of accomplishments and I shouldn’t let other people bring me down because they don’t believe that I measure up to their standards.

I set my own standards, bitch.

Challenge to my Readers:

We are happy, healthy and loved. That is what really matters. Count your years in number of opportunities seized, not in number missed. 

Day One Hundred and Eighty Eight: Supportive

Weddings, man.

I have had like…three in the last week.

I went to the wedding of a friend of mine this afternoon. It was beautiful, she was absolutely gorgeous, and it was so, so great to see her so happy.

The wedding I went to before that one was a freaking disaster, so it was also nice to see a wedding run so smoothly. I’m not a huge fan of weddings. I’ve catered too many, attended too many and seen too many be canceled over bullshit. But it feels really good to see someone who deserves such happiness be so very happy.

And she really, really deserves it.

What also feels good is being there for that moment. Normally when I get a wedding invite I turn tail and hide because I’m not a fan of weddings (what kind of woman am I?) But I think that sometimes I need to go, just to be there with those people in that moment, sharing their joy and seeing them so happy.

Go ahead and invite me to your wedding. I might even come.

Challenge to my Readers:

Go to the weddings, the baptisms, the christenings, the bachelor parties, etc. Share the joy. 

Day One Hundred and Eighty Seven: Good Friend

I think I’ve done this one before, but it was my friend’s birthday the other night, so it means something more to me right now.

The party was a little surreal because I can still remember sitting on that exact same porch in that exact same yard with these same people not only a year before, but two years, three years before. I love how much we have all changed and how much we have all stayed the same. All the parts of these people that I love have only grown. The parts I didn’t love have either changed or I have grown to love them.

I like to think I’m a good friend for more reasons than just knowing everyone’s favorite type of ice cream and bringing it for them. There is something to be said for just being there. And I know there are a lot of friends I haven’t been there for over the last few years, but I am trying. I can’t be in three places at once, as much as I would like to be.

Maybe this will serve as a reminder that I should reconnect with the people I love.

Challenge to my Readers:

Learn your friend’s favorite ice cream flavor. You never know when it will come in handy

Day One Hundred and Eighty Six: Unique

I am an unusual person.

You might even say I am unique.

The other day someone complimented me on something I was wearing and told me it was unusual. Nice unusual. Which was a change of pace from people who look at me like I’m some kind of slob because I wear my ice cream covered work shirts even when I’m off.

I like to be unique. It makes every day a little less boring.

Challenge to my Readers:

Be unique, it means a lot to the people around you to see something different from what they’re used to.

Day One Hundred and Eighty Five: Manager

I am a good manager.

Or at least I like to think so. I got a call this morning, on my day off, telling me that two of our freezers were broken and could I please come look at it later. I also had to do an interview and take care of a whole bunch of other junk for the shop, all on my day off, without clocking in.

For ten cents more than a Walmart worker.

But I keep everything running as best I can. All while managing a store and a disease and a family. It’s like I have a job or something. I realize that being a manger is about more than just hiring and firing people. Everything that happens in the shop starts and ends with me. I’m the one who keeps everything in line and keeps everything running.

I’m very new at this job, but I like to think that I’m doing a good job. At least I’m trying.

Challenge to my Readers:

Jobs are just jobs, but you need to do everything with dignity. Even if you’re minimum wage, your job is important. 

Day One Hundred and Eighty Four: On Top of It

I’m trying to keep on top of it.

In case anyone is wondering exactly what it is, it is the ten thousand things I must do in my lift. It includes my job, my writing, my dog, my family, my boyfriend, my apartment, my bills, my friends, weddings, conventions, vacations, travel and budgeting.

All without “exposing myself to unneeded stress” according to my doctor.

Will someone please tell me what a needed stress might be? It’s like when they ask if you’re sexually active; is it possible to sexually deactivate?

Tonight (this morning) was up writing blogs, because in the list of ‘needed stresses’ this one falls near the bottom, thus the blog spam from time to time. Anyway, when I tried to log onto the blog thing (blogville, bloglife, blogger) it told me I was logged in somewhere else and asked if I would like to re-log in. I told it that, yes, yes I would like to re-log in. Thus began a long and tedious loop of button pressing that got me nowhere.

My bloggy space thing is broken!

Taking a lesson from my previous adventure tonight, I decided “hey, why don’t I just do the blog for tomorrow (now today) so that I don’t have to worry about it.

So here we are, admiring my ability to not only stay on top of my shit, but also not to panic over small problems and learn from my mistakes.

Look at how freaking far I have come!

Challenge to my Readers:

Someone remind me to get my boyfriend to fix my blogittyblogblog tomorrow, please?

Day One Hundred and Eighty Three: Calm

I am calm in the face of crisis.

Okay, not really a crisis. I locked my keys in the car while I was at Walgreens tonight. Those of you who know me understand how this could have very quickly devolved into a crisis because I react badly to stressful situations.

Instead of panicking, I calmly called my roommate and my boyfriend, who arrived and kept me company until my brother could bring me the spare. Once I unlocked my car, I went home and watched cartoons with my boyfriend.

So, I’m getting a lot better about the whole panicking in a crisis. I’m learning to remain calm and take deep breaths and not to overreact to things.

It’s a nice change.

Challenge to my Readers:

Keep calm and don’t lock your keys in the car.

Day One Hundred and Eighty Two: My Body

I’ve almost got my body back.

I don’t know if anyone else who reads this has an autoimmune disease, but it sucks on a historically shitty level. A far cry from just being sick all the time, I also feel like my body doesn’t belong to me. Between all the needles and doctors and medications and pills and check ups, I feel almost like my body belongs more to my disease than it does to me.

Everyone keeps telling me that I’m taking this very well, which I suppose I am. I try to have humor about it and try to keep myself inspired. But it’s still hard. A lot of my friends are going on diets because they’re athletes, the kind of diet where you don’t eat any dairy or gluten or sugar for a couple of months in order to get your body back on board with healthy eating habits. I think it’s cool that we’re kind of sharing the same diet. But at the same time I remember that they get to choose to do that kind of a diet.

I don’t get a choice.

Yeah, I cheat a lot. I cheat more than I probably should. But I also have to deal with this for the rest of my life. My body belongs to this disease. 

But I’m getting my body back. Slowly but surely I’m doing the things I know will help me reclaim my body for myself. Taylor is helping, although I don’t think he knows it.

Challenge to my Readers:

Having a disease sucks ass. But you can’t let your disease define you. Don’t let it change who you are.

Day One Hundred and Eighty One: Rockies Fan

I’m a huge Rockies fan.

Everyone knows I like sports, but I really love my Rockies. I went to the game tonight and I loved every minute of it. Every year my dad and I go watch the Rockies play against the Giants and the Dodgers. It’s part of our summer traditions.

It’s true that the team hasn’t made a real run for the title since 2007. I know there are a lot of band wagon fans who joined up when we had a real chance at winning the World Series, but I’m okay with that. Fans who pack the stadium are still fans and I’m glad we have the support.

Weirdly, the guy who coached my high school’s team is now the coach for the Rockies, which makes everything even better. It’s still up season and so far we’ve won more games than we’ve lost (barely.) Who knows, this might be the year.

Challenge to my Readers:

Support your team, win or lose, rain or shine. Don’t be afraid to throw your lot in with the underdog.

Day One Hundred and Eighty: Pay Attention

I pay attention to people.

I have this little boy who comes into my shop every once and a while. I wouldn’t call him a regular; he and his brother and his mom come in about once or twice a month. He’s a really nice kid, although a little weird, and has that type-A gotta talk to everyone I meet kind of personality.

He likes the lemonade sorbet. But he won’t eat it if the sorbet has been touched by another ice cream, which in an ice cream shop with like twenty four rotating flavors, happens a lot. What usually happens is someone uses the spade to scrape down the chocolate or whatever, and then doesn’t rinse it well enough before they scrape down the lemon. This doesn’t hurt the sorbet at all, no change in the flavor or anything. It does leave little brown smudges on the sides of the bulk which most people don’t even notice.

This kids notices.

The first time he asked if I could open a new bulk, it was a little annoying. But I did it anyway. Turns out that the kid has some OCD kind of issues. His mother confessed to me that it was hard sometimes for them to eat out because if the glasses or silverware were smudged from the washer, the kid wouldn’t eat it.

He and his mother and brother came in tonight. He always orders the same thing, so he’s pretty easy. But I noticed that our lemon had some choco-smudges on the inside. Before my coworker had a chance to scoop it for him, I grabbed a new bulk, opened it and scooped it from there.

I’d never seen a kid so happy. He just looked at me and said “You remembered!”

It was a big deal to him. It was also a big deal to his mom, who was over the moon that not only had I remembered how he liked his ice cream, but that I hadn’t made a big deal out of making a minor adjustment for him.

And that got me thinking. How many times a day to I get an odd request for something that might really make a difference to someone? Not that often, but when I do, I think I should pay attention.

Challenge to my Reader:

Small things count. Pay attention to the way a regular likes their coffee or who is riding your bus in the morning. Any time you can help someone, take it, even if it means going out of your way a little bit.

Day One Hundred and Seventy Nine: Good Little Patient

I’m a good little patient.

Today I got my eyes checked for the first time in a few years. While I was talking to the doctor about my eyes, etc, it occurred to me that I have been a real trooper about all this stupid health shit.

Seriously. I make my own appointments, follow through on them, order my medication and keep up with my vitamins and stuff every day.

I down a whole gram of magnesium every single day, can you believe that?

So I’m very proud of myself for taking care of my body. I think that is one of the best things that can be said.

Challenge to my Readers:

Sometimes life throws us for a loop. Roll with the punches and do what you need to do in order to keep yourself healthy and safe.

Day One Hundred and Seventy Eight: Apologetic

I got mad at my boyfriend this morning and I was a total bitch to him.

And it was my fault, I shouldn’t have snapped at him or been mean.

So I apologized. I even got him a card.

I hate when I mess up. It used to be I would have dropped it and pretended it never happened. I would have just played pretend until it was forgotten. But that isn’t right. I made a mistake and I needed to correct it.

So I did. At least I tried. Taylor loves me enough to forgive me and still love me no matter what. I’m lucky that I have a boyfriend who lets me make mistakes and takes care of me even when I’m being a complete bitch.

I adore him for it.

Challenge to my Readers:

Mistakes happen. We all say and do things we don’t actually mean. Forgiveness begins with asking for it. Apologize and then forgive yourself.

Day One Hundred and Seventy Seven: Good Daughter

I am a good daughter.

It was mother’s day today. As you might have guessed from my earlier blogs, I do not exactly have the best relationship with my mother. It has been a long hard road to really finally be close to her, and occasionally she still does and says things that make me hate myself.

But I love her because she’s my mom.

So for mother’s day I was a good daughter and brought her a card and a gift (what she actually wanted) and had lunch and dinner with her, etc. More importantly I just spent time with her. I actually spend a lot of time with my family. I think it’s a little easier to deal with them since I moved out.

I’m a good daughter because I’ve actually made an attempt to make my life with my mother easier. Make our relationship better.

It takes time, but it’s worth it.

Challenge to my Readers:

Relationships with parents are a pain in the ass. Sometimes it’s worth it to work on those relationships, sometimes it isn’t. If you think it’s worth it, go ahead and try. If not, cut the poison and move on.

Day One Hundred and Seventy Six: Glamorous

I like to get all glammed up.

I love getting dressed up and go out. Okay, not go out. But I like to get glammed up and go out to the grocery store or the bar or even just work. I like to feel like I’m pretty and sometimes I do that with my clothes. I know that most people think you need a good reason to get all dolled up; movie premiers, parties and red carpet stuff. But sometimes I just feel better looking pretty.

So I dress up pretty and go out.

There is no shame in collecting compliments. It may seem vain, but it does feel good.

Sometimes you just need that.

Challenge to my Readers:

Dress up and go out, even if it’s just to the mall. Collect some compliments. It feels good.

Day One Hundred and Seventy Five: Philanthropic

I like to help people.

My grant officially kicks off this week and I have never been so excited and nervous at the same time. I think this is my ticket to something bigger and better. But more importantly, this will give me the chance to help people to really help people.

Help kids, actually.

I’m really excited because I’ve seen the good that a school supply drive can do. More than just giving kids something to write with, it really gives them hope for a future, encourages them to stay in school and keeps them engaged.

And I love that we get to do that.

Challenge to my Readers:

Do something good. Help out with my supply drive. Pick up trash. Turn off Facebook and do something for someone else.  

Day One Hundred and Seventy Four: Going to Hell

Apparently I’m going to hell.

I’m a good little Catholic girl. I really am. Okay, I don’t go to church as often as I should. The last time I went to church I played games on my Ipod until they started singing and I had my tattoos out for everyone to see. I was even wearing short shorts.

I’ve had a string of crazy Christians coming into my shop. The sweet little Korean girl who wants to talk bible study with me doesn’t bother me. She’s actually quite nice and she’s very smart. The woman who sits at the end of the counter and keeps asking if I’ve let Christ into my life needs to bugger the hell off.

Everybody hates crazy Christians. Everybody, even other crazy Christians. But when I was at church the other night, I was having a bit of an issue with my priest. I’m Catholic, but I don’t live my life according to the rules of the Catholic Church. I do what I want with my own body; I handle my life without the control of men or priests.

My mother says I’m a bad Catholic. But I work for a company that is good to people, that does good things. I’m happy with my life, isn’t that what life is really about. Finding happiness?

So maybe I’m going to hell because I haven’t been to church in a while or because I use birth control or any of the other dozens of things I do that irritates the church, but I’m happy.

That’s all I care about.

Challenge to my Readers:

It’s okay to be bad at your religion. If you read the Bible, you’ll see that most people aren’t actually very good at religion.

Day One Hundred and Seventy Three: Impressive

I’m an impressive soul.

Oh, I don’t want to brag. But I get told I’m impressive all the time. Usually by my boyfriend and my roommate. A far cry from just making me feel good, it also reminds me of everything that I have done. There are days that I don’t feel like I’ve done anything with my life; I’m lucky that I have people who remind me of how well I’ve done.

I’m not impressive because I’ve made a bunch of money or because I have a bunch of things. I’m impressive because I surround myself with people who love me and keep me safe and happy.

That’s really something to be proud of.

Challenge to my Readers:

Surround yourself with people who consider you impressive. Remind yourself every day that you’re worth something.

Day One Hundred and Seventy Two: Retrospective

I think about the past.

The other day I got a little bit of a snippy text from my coworker, complaining about a scheduling issue regarding a benefit night. He was frustrated because he was the only person working the benefit night and apparently it was causing him trouble.

I almost fired back something snarky in reply about how we had never needed extra people on a benefit night before and if he couldn’t handle this he should consider a new job. I may or may not have said those things out loud from frustration.

But I thought about all the times I used to send snarky text messages to my previous manager and all the times he sent me snarky replies and how the whole thing developed into a giant battle of snarkiness that never ended well.

Instead I just texted that I would keep it in mind for the next time and left it alone. When I did finally get a chance to talk to him, he told me that the frustration stemmed from the fact that the people who were working the benefit night were shit. I’ve had trouble with these people in the past and this was my last straw.

I was glad that I didn’t snap at my coworker, because the issue had nothing to do with scheduling or his ability to work. It had everything to do with a frustrating, high tension situation dealing with idiots. It wasn’t fair for either of us.

The situation has since resolved, but it does make me think about how it must feel to be a manager. Before I could snap off any complaints I wanted to my manager. Now I’m on the receiving end and from here on out I have to pay attention to how I respond to those sorts of things.

Challenge to my Readers:

Before you respond to something, take a deep breath and consider where it might actually be coming from. It’s always better to slow down and breathe.

Day One Hundred and Seventy One: Gutsy

I take risks.

Right now I’m taking a big risk at my store. Okay, maybe not that big. But I like to think it’s a risk. I’m running a school supply drive all summer long. But I’m also hoping to use it as a chance to advance in the company.

I’m tired of waiting for my perfect job to come along. Instead I’m going to build my own. I’m going to use this grant as an opportunity to get to the place I need to go. So, here’s hoping that it pays off.

Challenge to my Readers:

Take risks, even if you don’t know what the rewards will be.

Day One Hundred and Seventy: Publishing

This is a big one for me.

I want to learn the ins and outs of the publishing world. Someday I would love to have my own publishing company, but that’s just another one of my dreams. I love books, I love everything about books. I want to learn how to become an integral part in the making of books.

Every story needs to be told. Publishers, in short, are the ones who determine what stories are told and when they’re told. Publishers are the purveyors of knowledge, if you will. The world of publishing is very cut throat and very secret society. It’s a boys club of all boys clubs. But I want in, I want to join the club.

For that I need to learn all about publishing and everything that goes into it.

Next on my list.

Challenge to my Readers:

There is something in your life that you think is out of reach. Reach for it anyway. 

Day One Hundred and Sixty Nine: Hand Stand

I want to learn how to do a hand stand.

Kristine and Alaina, totes help me with this one.

Yeah, that’s it.

Challenge to my Readers:

Learn from your friends, because they are totally the best.

Day One Hundred and Sixty Eight: Computer stuffs

This one is Taylor’s fault.

My boyfriend is all sorts of awesome with computers. I’m not just talking about basic IT, turn-it-off-turn-it-back-on game. He is like serious genius. He does stuff I could never hope to understand. I seriously think someone needs to hurry up and hire him to make computer stuff, because some tech company is going to gobble him up one day and you’ll be sorry if you’re not the ones who got in on the ground floor.

Taylor has been trying to teach me. I haven’t been a very good student and that’s my fault. But I really do want to learn, so I’m going to get him to teach me. It’s going to take a very long time, but I will learn someday.

Taylor is a very talented man, a very talented teacher, and he is going to teach me everything. Because he loves me.

And I love him.

Challenge to my Readers:

The people you love have the most to teach you. Learn from them.

Day One Hundred and Sixty Seven: Origami

I want to learn origami.

Specifically origami using dollar bills because I like to leave interesting tips.

Kind of basic. But it’s something I want to learn.

Challenge to my Readers:

No lectures about learning, just be sure to tip. Always tip.

Day One Hundred and Sixty Six: Cooking

I am an atrociously bad cook.

I always have been. I’ve never really learned how to cook anything other than fish or tacos, but I’ve never actually needed to. Going back to that café dream, learning to cook might be important for that dream.

So I need to learn how to cook. Mind you, I can burn water. I will be a good but troublesome student, as I was for even my best teachers. I won’t let you down.

Challenge to my Readers:

If you can’t cook, learn. If you can, learn a new recipe. And let me try it.

Day One Hundred and Sixty Five: First Aid

I want to learn first aid.

I actually know first aid, but it’s a hodpodge muddle stuff I learned half-listening in Health class and learned by accident on the fly when someone got hurt doing something stupid at Boy Scouts. Need stiches in a pinch? Bend a sewing needle sterilize it with a lighter and use dental floss as thread. (Don’t try this at home.)

But I really want to learn real first aid, you know, get certified and everything. Why? That’s a stupid question. But here’s my actual answer:

Imagine that you are at dinner in a restaurant on Rodeo Drive and suddenly you see Brad Pitt choking on his sautéed broccoli in front of his large and multi-ethnic family while his useless but beautiful wife natters on the phone. Knowing first aid, you bravely step up and apply the Heimlich maneuver, affectively saving the day. Now that you have gained the trust and love of Brad Pitt and his family, the man offers you a speaking role in his next film, launching your acting career to the stars.

Okay, so maybe learning first aid to save movie stars is kind of silly. But learning it to save others is not a stupid idea.

Challenge to my Readers:

Learning things that will help others is always a good idea. Learn something to save someone. Learn to save a life.

Day One Hundred and Sixty Four: Barista…ing?

I wanna learn how to make coffee and shit.

Okay, this has to do with my dream of a coffee shop. I figure if I’m learning how to run a business like that, I should probably know how everything works. I’ve only made tea and coffee in my own shop, which is using a Kurig and a tea bag. I would really like to learn the technical art of making coffee drinks.

There’s this really awesome guy who works at the Teavana at the mall who always helps me and my mom pick out tea whenever we go. He knows all the best teas to pair together and what tastes awesome. He’s been working at the store for a long time and really knows his stuff. That’s the kind of dedication I want to give to my coffee shop in the future.

So, if anyone knows where to take lessons in barista-ing, I would love to hear.

Challenge to my Readers:

Dedication to a craft is always admirable, even if you think that it’s silly. Stay dedicated. 

Day One Hundred and Sixty Three: Knife Throwing

I wanna learn how to throw knives.

As a fun party trick. I already know how to throw an axe. I learned when I was a little kid (what?) Yeah, I had an unusual childhood. Anyway, I’ve always thought it would be cool to learn knife throwing. That way, if none of my other career paths work out, I could always join the circus.

Also darts, I wanna learn darts.

Challenge to my Readers:

Maybe knife throwing isn’t something for everyone, but there is something in all of us that desires a dangerous distraction. Full contact bowling, skydiving, scuba…whatever it is, go for it.