Day Three Hundred and Sixty Five: One Good Year

Just shy of 92,000 words, over 170 pages long, this is the end of my blog.

As I wrote this blog, I kept a quote at the bottom of the page that particularly struck me as I was writing. I found it in an article that I don’t even remember reading. It was something about music or dinner or something. (I read so much.) Anyways, it’s been sitting with me for a while now so I figure I will share it with you:

“Humankind, in Yiddish terms, can be divided, more or less, into two distinct classes: shlimazels and shlemiels. Very loosely translated, shlemiels knock things off tables and onto the laps of shlimazels.”

Not what you were expecting, is it?

Well, this year of blogging has become about a lot for me. It’s been about being a better person, about loving myself and those around me, about identifying the things I can and cannot change. It’s been about the constant war within my own body and the constant battle against the world of injustice. It’s been about puppies and roommates and boyfriends.

But mostly it’s been about shlimazels and shlemiels. And about turning myself and the things I do from shlimazel to shlemiel. I talk about the shlimazels I have met (I’m talking to you, Weasel . And the ass from the other night.) And about the shlemiels I’ve met as well (like the guy helping the grandmother across the street.) And about thinking when my actions could be possibly knocking things off tables and into the laps of others.

This year, human kind has had to deal with a lot of shit (pardon my French) being knocked into our laps. We’ve watched some pretty epic shlimazels do some pretty horrible things. We’ve seen bombs going off at sporting events, children killed in their classrooms, guilty men get away with murder, typhoons, earthquakes and hurricanes. We watched several countries lose themselves to war, death, famine and chaos.

That’s a lot of stuff on our laps.

And it’s opened a lot of wounds. We’re more paranoid, more distrusting and angrier that we’ve ever been. We point our fingers and blame Obama, MTV, Miley Cyrus, religion, science and the NSA for senselessness which is, as it has always been, simply senseless. And we’ve opened a lot of doors. Every year more states allow gay marriage, gun control laws are getting stricter, we are examining ourselves and our values as a country and as a people in a way that they had never been examined.

At the end of the day, we have to ask ourselves: are we a shlimazel or a shlemiel? Is what we are doing right now for the betterment of ourselves and our world? Or are we just pushing things off tables and into the laps of better people?

Earlier in this blog, I made a call to arms. I asked everyone to make this next year their One Good Year. This has been my One Good Year. I’ve learned way more about myself and my life than I would have ever learned passively. And I have left it out there, in the world of internets, for everyone else to see. Now I’m upping the call, to my friends, and to myself. I no longer want to settle for One Good Year.

Now I’m demanding One Good Life.

So, as my last Challenge to my Readers, I’m asking for this: Go out there. Do what good you can. Help where you can. Love and trust in yourself above everyone else. Never apologize for who you are, what you believe, the things you like or the people you love. Never, ever give up on your dreams. Rescue a dog or a cat. Rescue a person. Be a shlemiel and stand up to the shlimazels. Have One Good Year, live One Good Life.

Make One Good World. 

Day Three Hundred and Sixty Four: Family Matters

If you remember, one of the reason that I started this blog is because of my family.

My overbearing mother and my cancer-grumpy father being the two greatest perpetrators, although my crazy Texan relatives might also be a good thing to mention. Anyway, if you remember my relationship with my mother was particularly strained. Moving out seemed to help that a lot. For one thing, she doesn’t see me nearly as often, so she has fewer chances to make passive aggressive comments about my looks/weight/health/relationships. I haven’t been called fat in nearly a year!

We have lunch almost every week because she works really close to where I live. I like these days because we have a chance to hang out and be mom/daughter, but if I start to sense her crazy coming, I use my dog as an excuse to get home. Works every time.

My father, on the other hand, remains an enigma. He’s been borderline depressed since the cancer diagnosis, even though he’s been cancer free for six months now. He has zero energy to do anything unless I bring my dog over. Then he’s all about going to the dog park and the pet store and playing with Ecco in the backyard. Don’t get me wrong, I love that my dog can give my father some comfort, but I hate that my father refuses to spend time with his family. It’s hard to see my dad, who is my hero, so depressed and tired all the time. Nothing I do to cheer him up or make him do things seems to work. So, there’s that.

My brother, for anyone who cares, is still an asshole living at home. Every time I feel down on myself, I just think “Gee, I’m better than Nate.” It’s sad but true. Moving out means he has fewer chances to bully me and just generally behave like a loser around people I love. Yay for that. But, don’t tell him I said that because he still watches Ecco for me from time to time. I like the free babysitting.

So, end of the line is this: Moving out has greatly improved my relationship with my family. My mother doesn’t get to demean me every day (Only Tuesdays and Thursdays now.) My father’s depression is out of my hands and being away from home means that I am not constantly exhausting myself trying to fix a problem that I can’t fix. But I love him still. Moving out is also one giant step that my brother has not yet taken, which makes me feel pretty good about myself.

All in all, I love my family and will spend the next lifetime alternately bitching about them and blessing them. Because I’m Irish and that’s what we do.

Challenge to my Readers:

Family is forever. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. The greater the distance, the fonder the heart.

Day Three Hundred and Sixty Three: Quitting the Internet

So I’m quitting the internet.

This is Taylor’s fault really. He introduced me to all my favorite sites. Especially that pesky Reddit. Nothing against Reddit or anything, I’ve just noticed a distinct decline in my writing since I became aware of its existence. I’m also addicted to reading the news and checking every five minutes to see if it’s changed. It hasn’t. And celebrity gossip an sites that bitch about terrible customers.

So, I’m trying to be more productive. Especially now that I’m really investing myself in writing. Also I have a new job that requires me to be up at like five in the morning every day, so avoiding the internet laden trap of emotions, I will probably sleep better, work better and do better.

Like everything I’ll have my cheat days. Also facebook, which I only spend about ten seconds on a day (I never was one of those people who could spend hours on facebook) and I use to talk to family. So, yeah. I think I’m going to do a new blog, but it’s just for me and to rant about stuff, so don’t expect to read it unless you stumble across it randomly. But for the most part, I want to quit the internet for a while, just to take a breather and cut back on how much I use.

If anything really big happens in internet world, please let me know. I’m sure I’ll pause my life long enough to blink at you in confusion before I return to my books.

Challenge to my Readers:

Even good things that you love can get in the way. Take a step back and see what you can cut out and what you can add in. You never know where you might be wasting time.

Day Three Hundred and Sixty Two: Moving Forward

Last year I promised myself that 2013 would be my year.

Okay, so I’m not universally famous. I’m not even relatively well known at all. But it has been a big year for me.

I finished my grant at work. I got promoted to manager. I got an apartment with my boyfriend and best friend.

I got a new job. I got an interview with a school. I started working for a guy on his thesis, completely out of my comfort zone.

I’m happier and healthier than I have been in a very long time.

I have a puppy who is well trained, loving and perfect in every way. I have a roommate and a boyfriend who are similarly well trained.

So far it’s been a good year. It’s been a year of moving forward, making mistakes and making progress.

That’s all I could hope for.

Challenge to my Readers:

 Keep moving forward.

Day Three Hundred and Sixty One: Almost Done

I am so close to being done with this blog that it is a little ridiculous.

Seriously, I have like four more blogs left and I’m finished. Can you believe it? I can’t. It feels like I have been doing this thing a lot longer than I actually have been. It’s been a little rough, especially the timeliness thing. It’s hard to remember to blog every day. It’s especially hard to remember to be motivated to do it every day.

But I’m glad I did it. I really am. A far cry from being a good introduction to blogging for me, it’s also a really good opportunity to keep a record of my life for one year. Maybe someday I’ll do another year blog. That might be fun. Who knows what will happen.

Challenge to my Readers:

Set goals, stick to them and see the fruit that they bear. You never know what might happen.

Day Three Hundred and Sixty: Writer

I mention this a lot, but I am a writer.

Last night I went and hung out with a few friends. Most of them got pretty drunk and I surround myself with the kind of people who get very complimentary when drunk. One of my friends started telling me that I am an amazing writer. And it felt really good.

I’m very secretive and nervous about my writing, so the fact that I put it out into the world is a big deal for me. To hear someone, especially someone I know as a fellow writer who I respect so much tell me it’s good….well it feels good.

Writing has been my life since I was a child, so to finally see everything coming together means a lot to me. This blog has been particularly cathartic considering that prior to this I never blogged before. This is all very new and wonderful to me. I’m happy that my writing is finally starting to go somewhere. Who knows, maybe one day you’ll see me on the best sellers list.

Maybe.

Challenge to my Readers:

Believe in your dreams and they will come true.

Day Three Hundred and Fifty Nine: Sexy

I am damn sexy.

I think I’ve done this one before, but I was reminded of it the other night.

It’s hard to feel sexy when your body hates itself. It doesn’t help that I am sick right now, so the runny nose and cracked lips is decidedly unsexy. Lucky for me, I have a boyfriend who sees me as beautiful and sexy regardless of how I see myself. And he makes it his job to constantly remind me of how amazing I am and after a while I can’t help but start to believe it.

So I am loving and embracing my sexy self. I’m not going to go all Miley Cyrus and start wearing clothing that is more revealing than covering. But I do get to carry  myself with this newfound confidence in myself.

All thanks to Taylor.

Challenge to my Readers:

Be sexy. Whether you do it for a significant other or for yourself, be your own kind of sexy. Write the rule book and do what makes you feel good.