Day Two Hundred and Thirty Eight: American

Don’t freak out.

Whenever someone says they’re proud to be American, people tend to freak a little. They think I’m immediately going to be a gun totting, republican backing, abortion and gay person hating pro-government freak.

I’m not any of those things.

I’m intelligent. If you examine our country from an intelligent standpoint, you’ll probably find a lot of things wrong with it. A ton, actually. Don’t even get me started about healthcare. Social justice, racism, homophobia, yeah, all present and alive in my country.

But I love living here. Sure, freedom is a nice perk (more than nice, I’m being sardonic) but I love it the way I love my friends and family. Just like with the people I care about, in the country I care about I dedicate my days to making myself and it as a whole a better place to live in. That’s all I can do, is invest my time and pride into this country to make it better.

Think of America as your first crappy car. Yeah, it belches smoke and the seatbelt in the back doesn’t work so you can only take two friends to Sonic at a time, but it runs. And if you dedicate your time and talents to fixing it, making it better and improving it, you can rebuild it better than it ever was before.

Being American makes me happy and proud and I’m not ashamed of that. It seems to me every time something bad happens, we all put our American flags out and stand together and look all proud of being our country. But as soon as something we don’t like happens, we start burning those flags, fighting with our neighbors over court verdicts and trying to strangle each other with our righteous beliefs.

Stop it.

Either we’re all in this together or we’re not. If you don’t like it, work to change it. Fix it. Throwing rocks and hurting people won’t do it. Threatening to shoot each other, threatening to bomb people, threatening to exact your revenge against the system in what I’m sure is your vision of poetic justice won’t do the world any good. It’s harder to fight for what you want than it is to whine about what you don’t have.

I’m pro-America (not anti-any other county.) I also respect the military, I’m pro-government intervention and I even think it’s a good thing that the government spies on its people because ya’ll be freaking crazy and I’m glad someone knows about it. (Ever hear of Big Data, it’s kind of awesome.)

Anyway, I know it sounds uber-patriotic and crap, and maybe it’s because I’ve been listening to Demi Lovato’s Made in the USA on repeat, but I’m proud of my country. And I love it here.

Challenge to my Readers:

Make it better. Love your neighbor; settle your fights without violence. Look out for each other. Take care of your health and be proud of yourself. 

Day Two Hundred and Thirty Seven: No more caffeine

So, I haven’t been sleeping very well.

I’ve always been a bit of an insomniac. I’m more of a daytime sleeper, napper, person. But lately I’ve been very, very tired and completely unable to sleep. So I’ve decided to give up caffeine completely. Sadly, this means no more Starbucks (at least not coffee) but perhaps worst of all, this means no more Coke.

I’ve told a few people that I’ve given up caffeine the last couple of days and the response I’ve gotten has been positive, but annoying. They treat it like I’ve given up meth or cocaine, not the occasional Coke or caramel macchiato. It also drives me nuts, because a lot of them have that high and mighty kind of “yeah, when I finally gave up caffeine, I felt pretty good too…”

I don’t. I feel like shit. I have killer headaches and I’m exhausted. Also, I hate it because this is yet ANOTHER thing I’ve had to give up. So far I gave up high fructose corn syrup, gluten, most dairy (milk so doesn’t count) apples, hummus, spicy food and onions.

If my doctor tells me I can’t have eggs, I’m going to bust someone.

I know it’s the same bitch and moan about how I have no control over my body, but I actually feel really proud that I gave up caffeine. It may not seem like a lot and to a lot of people it’s like “yeah, it’s not really healthy, of course you should give it up.” But after I’ve had to erase a lot of the foods I love from my diet, it was nice to have that one last thing to hold on to.

No more.

Challenge to my Readers:

Keep up the good fight. The only thing that kills you faster than the disease is denying the disease. 

Day Two Hundred and Thirty Six: Good Girlfriend

I went and had lunch with my boyfriend today.

There is something really special about taking time on your day off to go see the person you love. Taylor means everything to me. Everything. So to me it isn’t a big deal to go see him on his lunch break and sit with him and eat with him.

But it is a big deal.

It shows that I care very deeply for him. Deeply enough that I’m willing to go well out of my way, to his office, to take him to lunch.

It’s special and I love it. I love him.

Challenge to my Readers:

Be a good significant other and take them out to lunch or dinner or the movies. Show them that you love them all the time, not just when it is convenient. 

Day Two Hundred and Thirty Five: Learning to let go

I am finally relaxing the reins on my puppy.

So, to me, having a puppy is like having a baby. Ecco is the love of my life, I am obsessed with keeping him safe and healthy. So much so that I don’t like to let him out of my sight.

I always feel bad when I have to lock him in the room and leave him to go to work or whatever. Until this week, every time I’ve had to work during the day, I’ve put Ecco in Doggie Day camp so that he wasn’t alone all day. This week, however, on Monday, I left him home, alone, for six full hours. Six hours is a lot for me.

And when I came home, he kissed me and loved me and was just fine.

So, I’m learning to let go and leave him alone for a little longer. This is akin to parents dropping their kids off at school for the first time. I know he’ll be okay, but my mind can’t help but imagine all the horrible things that will happen when I’m away. What if the apartment burns down? What if a drug cartel breaks in? What if he chokes on something (impossible because I won’t leave any of his bones with him unless I can supervise him.)

It’s nice, because now I won’t feel so bad about leaving him alone. He’s a big boy and he knows his mommy loves him. That’s all that matters.

Challenge to my Readers:

It’s hard to give up control. But sometimes it can be a good thing.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty Four: Firm

I am strict, but fair.

Most of the time.

Anyway, I have this woman and her kids who come into my shop all the time. I’ve talked to her about her behavior before; she cuts in line, yells at the servers, yells at my owners and is just generally disrespectful to everyone.

So the other night she came in and got in a fight with me about her damn ice cream. I won’t bore you with the details. But in the end, I told her that she and her family were no longer welcome in our shop.

Her response: “I’m never coming back here!”

Good! That was the point! You say that every damn time I tell you to stop being a bitch! Keep your freaking promise this time!

Anyway, she’s been banned. She tried to come in the other night, and my coworker locked the door before she could open it. She knows she’s not allowed here. I’ve told her the next time she comes in I’ll call the police.

I refuse to be mistreated and pushed around.

Do not piss me off.

Challenge to my Readers:

Don’t let them push you around just because you’re on the other side of the counter. Also, don’t be an asshole to those poor folks.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty Three: Hopeful

I really want my dream job.

Okay, I’m not entirely sure that either of these jobs account for my dream job. For one thing, my dream job would be someone paying me to sleep, eat and write all day (author.) For another thing, I’m not entirely sure yet what these jobs will fully entail. I mean, yeah, I read the description things before I applied, but that doesn’t always mean the job is exactly what they described.

But good god do I want one of these jobs. Aside from the face that they sound like so much fun, they also sound important. Finally, a job where I am asked questions and people actually give two shits about my answers. That’s what I really want: I don’t want to be a peon any more. I want to be in charge of my own life.

I really, really hope I get this job.

Cross your fingers for me.

Challenge to my Readers:

Be hopeful, it’s the last thing you have left.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty Two: Strengthening

I’m getting stronger.

So, when I was seventeen I did something very stupid. Inline skating should really be reserved for a daytime activity, I decided that nine pm was of course, the perfect time to go out and skate. The result, after a run in with a car that turned out to be a police vehicle, was tearing out a chunk of my kneecap. This injury officially ended whatever career I wanted to have in dance or fencing.

So, it has been almost seven years since I was stupid (I’ve been stupid plenty of other times) and aside from being diagnosed with depression (twice) and then Crohn’s disease (but no depression this time, so score!) I have been getting better. After some extensive and expensive physical therapy on my knee, I can actually hike without it bothering me too much. My legs are stronger than ever and now that I’ve broken in my Converse (because I’m too poor for dance shoes) I can actually do point on BOTH feet now.

So what do I want to do with this new found strength? I’m not sure yet. I would really love to go back to the gym. I would love to do parkour again and train again. I run a little bit and walk a lot, I dance whenever I have the time and the right floor to do so (#thingsIdoatworkinsteadofworking.)

Right now I’m just enjoying that I have strength to keep going.

Challenge to my Readers:

Get strong, be tough and keep going. The world is full of challenges, but all of them can be overcome.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty One: Call to arms!

So this is less of a “One good year thing” and more of a “for the sake of humanity, stop, please god stop” thing.

Right now is Con season. For those of you who haven’t been following my blog or whatever, you should know that I’m a comic book kid. Because I’m dyslexic and was raised by boys, my initial introduction to literature was Spiderman, X-men and Hell Boy. In today’s society I’m classed as a geek girl, although I’m certainly more than just that.

I have several friends who also frequent the cons as well as several who cosplay (google it if you don’t know what it is.) But I’ve noticed, among both my male and female friends, nerd and un-nerdy alike, a mildly alarming trend.

In this group of people who consider themselves unique because they are accepting of each other’s differences, there is a significant amount of judgment and stereotyping being committed against women. For the record, I am in no way a feminist, I’m not really a fan of modern day, bra burning feminists, but I am female and therefore I am required on some level to have some sympathy for my own kind.

But what I’ve been hearing a lot of is this:

·         Girl walks into a video game store and is asked if she’s buy the game for her boyfriend/brother/dad/male friend.

·         Girls being quizzed on fandom at cons, asked arbitrary questions in order to discern their level of fanness.

·         Girls being sexually harassed, assaulted and berated while wearing costumes deemed slutty or whorish.

·         “Fake Geek Girl” stickers being slapped on the asses of girls at RTX last weekend.

And dozens of other culturally depressing creations of the mass mind intended to alienate, harass and embarrass people. And while the target of said inequality is generally female, the alleged “real” gamer girls are just as guilty of these bullshit scenarios as the men. You ladies feel insecure about yourselves, so you create a catty posy of girls who shun anyone who might not fit into your social standard. Sound familiar? Yeah, you spent all of f*cking high school bitching about it.

Okay, so I know my own assumptions about the issue are based off the actions of a few, internet memes and opinions expressed to me by my friends, but that doesn’t make it any less of a real issue. The real question is how do we stop it? As a whole, we probably can’t. But you can. Remember my call for everyone to make this their One Good Year. Maybe the next time you’re at a Con, you can be that One Good Person. Don’t talk about real and fake as opposing dichotomies unless you’re referencing the Matrix. Don’t touch people who don’t want to be touched. Express positive opinions and keep your negative ones for your blog and twitter account later.  Judge people for their personality, not their body and how they choose to express it.

This attack against “fake gamer girls” is a non-problem, as in it shouldn’t be a problem. People are not inherently real or fake. We’re alive, we’re here and we love who we are. Isn’t that enough?

Challenge to my Readers:

Do your part to stop the stereotyping of women, geek and non. We all make judgments about people based on initial impressions and how they look. Go ahead, make your judgments, but keep them in your own head. Later, examine them, consider them and try to figure out if those opinions are valid or not. Even if they are valid, if that impression isn’t causing you significant internal strife, keep it to yourself.

If you must express it, remember your I statements: “I feel that she is a psychopathic bitch…”

To read more about the issue:
The Creepy Side of E3
The Fake Fan Girl Stickers
The Sticker Creator Responds
One Guest's Call for a New Policy

Day Two Hundred and Thirty: No Shame

I’m having one of those I-don’t-give-a-shit days.

Apparently this bothers some people.

Feeling a little under the weather this morning, when I came into work the first thing I did was stream a Justin Timberlake Pandora station over my radio while I opened. I then danced around my shop, shamelessly. I got a few stares from people passing by, but they probably slept well last night so what the hell do they know.

When I finished my JT fest (because who doesn’t love his smooth crooning and curly hair?) I changed to Taylor Swift because she never cusses and she’s safe to play in a family establishment. I happen to be a huge fan of her music. She just gets me. I happen to be a firm supporter of T-Swift and her awesome breakup ballads.

Anyway, I had my Ipod playing the entirety of her Speak Now album when a couple of guys came in. There was nothing unusual or upsetting about them until after they ordered when one of them turned to me and said “Do you actually like this shit?”

I had a brief moment when I thought he was talking about my ice cream before I realized he meant my music. So I just replied with “Yes.”

“It’s stupid.”

“It makes me happy.”

“That’s stupid.”

“No it’s not. But I think you might be.”

He and his buddy got all uppity, as though the type of music playing in an ice cream shop during lunch was the greatest travesty in their day and left. But all I could think was that he called what made me happy stupid.

I know a lot of people think Taylor Swift or Justin Timberlake or about twenty of the other types of music are stupid. That’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their own damn opinion (even if you’re wrong.) But if someone tells you that it makes them happy, don’t tell them that it’s dumb. You make it sound like they have no right to be happy unless they agree with your opinions. You don’t get to decide what makes people happy and whether or not that’s right.

I think all those opponents of marriage equality should remember this.

Challenge to my Readers:

If you can’t say something nice, keep your mouth shut and get the hell out of my shop.

Day Two Hundred and Twenty Nine: Medication

I take my medication like a big girl.

Actually no, I cry like a baby, but you would too if you had to stab yourself with a needle the size of a thumb tack every other week. You might also be mildly upset if the stuff you were stabbing yourself with caused your throat to close up, your stomach to give up its contents and your skin to break out.

I know I talk about my medication a lot. That’s because I’m still having to accept that this is a part of my life now. I’m not doing it for a year or two, I’m doing this forever! Thank god for ObamaCare. I know a lot of people hate it but if you have a pre-existing medical condition, it actually works out pretty well. It used to be that health insurance carriers could deny me or charge me extra for having a disease like this. Now those suckers have to take me and take care of me.

Health Insurance is one of those things you never think about until it applies to you. As far as Congress goes, I hear a lot of noise, but no one seems to actually be able to think about the issues at hand. I have a lot of friends who seem to think that they know what is best, until I remind them that they don’t have a debilitating disease or a history of cancer to think about when they get insurance.

Sometimes when I feel sorry for myself, I think about the little girl I work with for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and I stop throwing my little pity party. She has to take about a million medications a day and use a chest compressor and all sorts of other stuff just to get through the day. And she’s always so chipper about everything.

I have to stab myself with a needle twice a month. But at least it’s only twice a month.

Challenge to my Readers:

Take your medicine like a big kid. No matter how bad you think you have it, there is always someone who has it worse.

Day Two Hundred and Twenty Eight: Hard(ly) working

Remember how I get paid ten cents more than the average Walmart worker. As a manager. Yeah. So the other joy of being a manager is that if everyone wants a day off, it’s usually my job to work that day whether or not I want to.

Just so we’re clear, this year I have worked Halloween, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Memorial Day, President’s Day, the Fourth of July and several other holidays. Almost everyone I know likes working holidays because they get time and a half on holidays. Not me. Nope.

So when I came into work today to work the Fourth of July, I didn’t push myself to do a whole lot. Mostly my co-worker and I sat around shooting the breeze with our customers and playing Angry Birds. I sent her home early and then I closed the store early.

I’m not lazy. I’m not a bad worker. In fact, I am an incredibly hard worker on most days. But holidays are meant to be observed by everyone. So if they aren’t going to pay me more on a day I deserve more pay and if I have to work every holiday, then I’m going to pretend that hard-working-manager Kachi is still at home and that today you get shit-show-Jo instead.

Challenge to my Readers:

I always encourage hard work and dedication. But sometimes you need a break, even at work. Don’t feel bad about slacking off a little, especially if you normally work very hard on a normal day.

Day Two Hundred and Twenty Seven: Fireworks and Fourth

I mean, technically it’s the third or July.

Then again, technically we didn’t sign the Declaration of Independence on the fourth either, so it doesn’t actually matter what day you choose to celebrate. Plus, around Denver we do all our fireworks shows on the third anyway.

I love the fourth of July. Starting way back in high school, I used to host these massive fourth of July parties with all my friends. We would set off a ton of (usually illegal) fireworks, build a bonfire in the middle of the street and party all night long.

This year we went a little more low key. No fireworks for us to light off, they’re illegal again this year. So instead we invited a few friends over, hung out, my boyfriend made delicious hamburgers and we walked to the park with my dog to watch the fireworks show. Over all it was a fun, stress free night just to chill with my friends.

And the next day I went to work. Yeah!

Challenge to my Readers:

Having wild parties with lots of booze and stuff is great, but sometimes you just need a relaxing night with friends. Try that instead.

Day Two Hundred and Twenty Six: Stress Clean

I stress clean.

What exactly am I stressing about?

A little bit of everything. But mostly because it’s going to be a crazy week at work for me. Not fun, nope, nope. We lost three employees (they’re on vacation, not dead)so we’re severely under staffed. I can’t hire new people just for one week so we’re all working doubles and extra hours to cover both the shop and a massive cater.

It’s not too bad, I like the extra money. But it can be a little distressing. Plus, throw in a holiday that no one wants to work, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. But, I got it all figured out.

However, I had to clean the entire apartment, do the dishes and deep clean our shower and bathroom before I finally felt clear headed enough to do it. Sometimes when I worry about something I can’t do anything about, I have to do something completely unrelated to feel better. I’m not doing anything about my problems, but at least I’m doing something.

Challenge to my Readers:

It feels kind of good to stress clean. Or stress exercise. All activity is pro-activity. Embrace it.

Day Two Hundred and Twenty Five: Youthful

I am only twenty four.

I need to remind myself of this every day. Why?

Because I have incredible friends and I live in an incredible world.

See, I have amazing friends who are doing amazing things. They’re part of big companies, work for important people, are in the Olympics, are actresses getting amazing reviews and talented singers. I know gifted artists, dedicated teachers, skilled craftsmen and amazing computer nerds.

I also live in a time filled with incredible things. The five year old I watch can read middle grade level books already. A girl from my high school has like five gold medals for swimming and she just graduated. I read an article about a sixteen year old girl who got a book deal after writing stories in her room and sharing them online.

When I was sixteen, my biggest worry was how much time I had to eat dinner between class and theater (about twenty minutes.) Or whether or not the guy I liked would talked to me (he didn’t.) Or what anime to watch in anime club that week (Tri-Gun.)

Now I’m twenty four and I’m feeling the pressure to do something great. Yeah, I have three degrees (useless or versatile, you pick) and I have an amazing boyfriend and awesome roommate. I have my own apartment and a dog and I’m a manger. But I still feel like I haven’t done anything, you know, great.

But I’m only twenty four. And what I’m doing right now, I love. I really love.

I think I still have a few years to figure out where I’m going.

Challenge to my Readers:

Everyone is young at heart. It’s never too early, and never too late.

Day Two hundred and Twenty Four: Doting

I am a doting girlfriend.

I try to be.

If you live with us, near us, perhaps in the city across the country from us, you know about our vocal and frequent anger towards a certain phone company. They’re my boyfriend’s plan and apart from overcharging him three months in a row, being general ass-hats about contracts and phone upgrades, they also have ridiculously stupid commercials.

Anyway, Taylor got a new phone, which I found for him on craigslist and helped him pay for. I’m also looking at getting him a nice phone case, something cute. Probably Pokémon related, since that’s his favorite thing in the world.

I always want to be able to get him nice things. I know that this isn’t what a relationship is about, but sometimes it’s just nice. Not just for him, but for me.

Besides, the less money he spends each month on phone stuff, the more money he has to spoil me. (His words, not mine.)

Challenge to my Readers:

Everyone deserves to be treated special. If you don’t have money, do something nice with what you do have.

Day Two Hundred and Twenty Three: Social

I am a social butterfly.

I’m sure I’ve done a blog about this before, but now that it’s summer and all my friends are in town, I feel more social than ever.

So far this week I’ve seen my friends or a group of my friends every single night. That may sound like a lot, and it is, but I really do love seeing my friends. It reminds me of just how nice my life is right now considering everything I’m dealing with.

I love being a social girl.

Challenge to my Readers:

Sometimes it seems like a lot of effort to get off the couch and visit people. Do it anyway, you won’t regret it.

Day Two Hundred and Twenty Two: Deductive

I like to figure things out.

In this day and age, information is not only accessible, it is readily accessible. Sometimes it’s a little too easy to get your hands on information (ie. the NSA.) That’s why we’re not allowed to use our smart phones during trivia. Google has made it so easy to know what you want to know.

I wouldn’t really say this is a bad thing. My students have it so easy compared to when I was in school; who needs a library when everything you need to know is on the web. Hell, I had it a thousand times easier than when my parents were in school. We still have encyclopedias at my house.

The other night, Taylor and I doing that thing where we stay up late in bed talking about random stuff. We were trying to figure out what the highest (altitude-wise, not pot-wise) city in America was. We used our knowledge of geopgraphy, what little of it we possess, to try and figure it out.

We were pretty close. Turns out the highest (capitol) cities are Santa Fe, Cheyenne and Denver. Why this matters? It honestly doesn’t.  But my phone was literally two feet from me. I could have googled it. Instead we figured it out first.

In an age where we never have to think for ourselves, intellect is slowly dying out. Original thought and the purposeful arrangement of knowledge are being removed from modern society. Thank god for trivia, right?

Challenge to my Readers:

Exercise your mind. Ask questions you don’t know the answer to and try to figure them out for yourself before you reach for your Iphone.