Day One Hundred and Thirty One: Super Nerd

I am a horror movie buff.

I am, I am a huge horror movie  nerd. Seriously, I love scary movies. I obsessed with the filmography, the tropes, and the culture. I love the way that horror movie directors pay homage to each other with small cameos and jokes in their films. I love that the fans are so dedicated to the genre and how the community is a constantly growing fan group.

Right now I’m working my way through Supernatural. It’s pretty marvelous. I’m very into it, partly because of the horror/occult theme and also because of the sick classic car that the brother’s drive. I’m currently on season two and I just finished episode eighteen, Hollywood Babylon. In this episode, the brothers go to Hollywood where a murder by a ghost is troubling a film set. Now, the fake film set in this episode started to look eerily familiar to me. The fake horror movie (Hell Hazers II) had a familiar plot: cabin in the wood, reading from a book summons zombies who systematically kill everyone one of the hapless teenage victims.

Okay, it actually sounds like a lot of horror movies, but the episode is very campy in and of itself. Not to mention that the actual killer is using a summoning spell to summon a myriad of ghost forms in order to kill the creators of Hell Hazers because they were ruining his script.

So I did a little digging. The writer of this particular episode was Ben Edlund. Ben Edlund actually worked as a writer with Joss Whedon on projects such as Angel and Firefly. Now, this episode was done in 2007, Cabin in the Woods was released in theaters in 2012. Before you can accuse the great and powerful Joss Whedon of plagiarism, actual filming and photography for Cabin started as early as December, 2008. Not to mention, Joss Whedon had been sitting on the screenplay for a few years before it finally became a realization.

Maybe it’s a stretch (although it seems too much of a coincidence to be a stretch) but I think that Whedon gave part of the idea to Edlund as kind of a tribute to the horror genre, recognizing that this episode of Supernatural was echoing the themes of his own future film, six years (almost to the day) before Cabin in the Woods was released.

Nerd moment over. But I love my obsession with horror movies. It’s a big part of my inspiration as a writer. I’m also very proud of my epiphany while watching a tv show aimed at teenage girls.

Challenge to my Readers:

Nerd out. Everyone has an obsession; they’re healthy (I think so anyway.) Be proud of the things you’re into and celebrate it. 

Day One Hundred and Thirty: Topical

I understand what’s going on.

I don’t need to change my Facebook profile to demonstrate my acceptance or acknowledgement of it.

This is for the little bitch that got on my Facebook chat the other night and started in about how I didn’t change my profile picture to the equal sign in celebration/support of gay rights. People are the reason I usually have chat turned off, but I wanted to talk to a friend so thanks for ruining that. Clearly you’re right: my not changing my stupid picture means that I hate gay people and that I am absolutely dedicated to the creation of inequality in our world. Or as you so kindly put it “ur mean to gays and you dont care how they feel.”

I would have unfriended you, in fact, I’m not quite sure why we’re friends in the first place (I neither recognize your name nor your face) except I’m lazy and I wanted to give you a blog first.

Facebook is a wonderful tool for social outreach. Starting a page or writing a status can easily reach hundreds to hundreds of thousands of people. That’s nice, very nice. But it’s still Facebook. That is all it is and all it ever will be. And to me, Facebook is pretty low on my list of priorities. I don’t wake up every morning and think “oh, what on Facebook today will affect my life today?”

I’m very excited about what is happening in the Supreme Court right now. I’m very excited that we are finally headed towards and equal world. I’m excited for the day that my cousin will be able to marry his life partner officially, in any state and with a real wedding.

I like Facebook, I really do. I can keep in touch with my family, I spam people with my blogs, I can write sappy notes to my boyfriend and look at all the silly pictures my friends post. But people like you, miss I care more about a picture than the real world, are seriously  making me consider giving it up entirely.

But then you would win, and bitches don’t win.

Challenge to my Readers:

It’s times like these that I beg people to remember that it’s Facebook. Just a social networking site bent on wasting as much of your productivity as it possibly can. No matter what the bitches say, no matter how mean people are, just ignore them. They’re bitches. Don’t sweat the bitches. 

Day One Hundred and Twenty Nine: Contemplative

I am reflective.

It’s Lent, which is a time of reflection in the Catholic Church. It’s all about thinking deeply about our lives and our days and really considering how we make ourselves and make others feel.

Right now I’m trying to reflect on my life. I’m trying to look inside myself and figure out what I really want. I’m looking for a sign that will help me figure out where I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to be doing.

Maybe someone will give me a signal.

Like the Bat Signal.

Challenge to my Readers:

Reflect on everything. This is the time of year we get to think about the past and look forward to the future.

Day One Hundred and Twenty Eight: Catch Up

I get to catch up with my friends.

These last two weeks are the spring breaks of the college world. A lot of my friends are back in town for a few days and it had been wonderful to catch up with them. I’ve also run into people I haven’t seen in a few years. It’s very fun, but also kind of weird at the same time. I always feel a twinge of panic when I see people I haven’t seen in a while. I mean, I have to tell them that I don’t have a real job yet and that I’m not married and I don’t have kids, etcetera.

But at the same time I’m always happy to hear about their lives. As everyone grows up, I get to hear about the wonderful things they’re doing. But getting to see my close friends and hear about school and life is what really makes my day. It’s just nice to see that everyone is doing okay and that they’re happy.

All I can ever ask for is that all my friends are happy, safe and loved.

Challenge to my Readers:

It’s Spring Break, make sure you take some time to see your friends while you’re relaxing. Call up that person you haven’t seen in a few years. Reconnect. 

Day One Hundred and Twenty Seven: Educated

I am educated about my job.

Today I got a very interesting and wonderful compliment from a customer. He and his wife and daughter had stopped in my shop after visiting the college campus. After the purchased their ice cream, they sat around talking to me for a while. They kept asking me questions about the company and about my job. I thought that they were questions anyone could have answered. The man told me that talking to me had been one of the most intelligent conversations he’d had in a long time.

I rather like to think that knowing far too much about my company has made me intelligent. It isn’t useless knowledge; after all, it is my job. And I take pride in my job. Plus, my company has a crazy interesting history and has done a lot of good in the world.

So yeah, I’m pretty proud of how well I know my company and of how I’m able to talk about it with people. I think it’s a good thing.

Challenge to my Readers:

Even if your job isn’t your dream job, be proud of it. Being a hardworking person is something you have to take pride in. 

Day One Hundred and Twenty Six: Cut Loose

I know how to cut loose and have a good time.

Tonight I screamed myself hoarse at a basketball game with Taylor. I’m not really a huge basketball fan, but watching the Nuggets win after an intense game against the Kings was awesome. Plus the people we were sitting with were very cool, very nice and had the most adorable little girl with them. I love sporting events because the feeling you get with being part of the crowd is really wonderful.

I know a lot of girls who go to sporting events and kind of passively. I don’t mean to generalize, but we’ve all seen the date on the jumbotron who is obviously just there because her boyfriend took her. Sports aren’t about genders; it’s about being a part of a team. More than just the team who is playing, but the team of the fans as well.

I may not know how the game is played really, I only understand the basics, but I really enjoy the spirit and getting to spend time with my boyfriend at something he loves.

And that’s really all that matters.

Challenge to my Readers:

Cut loose and enjoy your life. You know, responsibly. Don’t get black out drunk for the hell of it. But do something fun and wild and have a good time. 

Day One Hundred and Twenty Five: Animal Person

I am officially a cat person.

Okay, not really. But my roommate is out of town for a few weeks, so we’re watching her cat Boo. Boo is a very sweet cat, but is very skittish about being with people who aren’t her person, ie. Madison. With Madison gone though, Taylor and I are her only source of human companionship. Cuddle buddies.

I’ve never been good with cats because I’ve always been more inclined to dogs. However, I am really getting the hand of this cat thing. Boo lets me pet and cuddle her, lets me feed her and even crawls into my lap for snuggles.

So yeah, I faced my fear of cats and cuddled the little bugger. So, now I am officially a cat person.

But Taylor gets to clean the litter box.

Challenge to my Readers:

You never know if you like something until you try something new. It never hurts to try.

Day One Hundred and Twenty Four: In Charge

I got to run my very first staff meeting today and I have to say it went great.

I even got us donuts. That’s the only way to make a good staff meeting; donuts are key to employee happiness. Everyone showed up (true, we have a total of five employees, but you would be surprised.) It was a success if I do say so myself.

Okay, so my shop is still trying to make progress on some things like keeping the bulks scraped down and paying attention to everything going on in the shop ,but I think that I’m doing a pretty stand up job of keeping everything together. I waited a really long time to be in charge of the shop, so it makes me feel good to see it doing so well while I’m in charge.

It also kind of scares me because one day I’m going to have to leave. I know that they’ll be just fine, but it still makes me nervous.

Challenge to my Readers:

Be proud of your accomplishments and keep your head high. Every step forward is just that.

Day One Hundred and Twenty Three: Understanding

I try to be understanding of other people’s positions.

This morning I got a text from my owner saying that my coworker who closed last night did almost nothing. No deposit, cash in the drawer, safe unlocked, shop a mess. My coworker is usually one of my most trusted, hardest working employees, so it kind of baffled me that he would do that. Later we found out that he had started suffering from a migraine and had forgotten his meds at home, so he’d locked up and left rather than puke all over the shop. He promised that it would never happen again and that he felt really bad, but my owner and I told him he did the right thing. Next time, he’ll know to call us and I’ll come in and take care of the shop.

I can’t always tell what’s going on in someone’s life. It’s hard to tell where someone is coming from just by looking at them. It’s always better to error on the side of caution and hope for the best. My coworker has worked for our shop for years, it wouldn’t make any sense for us to go off on him for something like this after years of being one of our best workers.

However, there are some people I will never understand.

Challenge to my Readers:

Before you jump to conclusions about someone being stupid, lazy or ignorant, take a minute to try and understand them. It might not make their behavior any less frustrating, but it will make it easier for you to accept it and move on.

Day One Hundred and Twenty Two: Taking a Break

I know when I need a break.

So, this last week at work was the first time I had ever hit overtime in my shop. That is quite the feat considering that everyone who works there is part time. I did fifteen cakes, opened and closed the shop nearly every day of the week and worked my ass off training an employee for a new position. The reason I was working so much was because my owner was out of town for the week, so I took over all her duties as well as my own.

Because of how hard I worked last week, I’m taking it easy this week. Partly to balance my hours for the shop (we get in trouble if one person works too much) and partly because my brain and spirit are fried from working so much. Not to mention I have family coming into town next week, so now is a good time to slack off a little so that I can see them.

I think one problem a lot of people have is not knowing when to stop. Last week I proved to myself that I can work over forty hours and not really suffer too much from it. But then I have to remind myself that the only reason I was able to work that much was because Taylor was off and could watch the puppy. But it is important to know that I need a break sometimes. This week I get to take a little bit of a breather, see some friends and family who are coming into town and just be happy with my life.

That’s kind of rare.

Challenge to my Readers:

Take stock of all your projects and hours that you work. Is it time for a break? If you’re asking yourself the question, the answer is probably yes.

Day One Hundred and Twenty One: Fart

I fart a lot.

I do. Seriously, I fart a whole bunch. It’s part of the Crohn’s disease; my stomach creates a lot of gas so I fart. A lot.

Okay, so I know it isn’t exactly something to be proud of. I mean, most people consider farting to be a disgusting bodily habit that shouldn’t be talked about. But it is so much a part of my life now that I have to talk about it. I think kids have it right; farts are stupid and funny, but they’re part of life.

Also, just so all my readers are aware that this entry marks my one third of the way through my year. That’s right, I have kept this blog for a whole third of a year. I’m very happy about it ,even if I haven’t been the most dedicated blogger.

But I try.

Challenge to my Readers:

Bodily habits are just a part of life. I’m not saying you have to be proud of them, but don’t act like burping at the dinner table and farting in public are mortal sins. There are worse things you can do. 

Day One Hundred and Twenty: Irish (part two)

I am so Irish!

Today is St. Paddy’s day (St. Paddy’s, never St. Patty’s.) It is a day to celebrate the Irish heritage in all of us. And honestly, everyone has a little Irish in them. Today of all days, we celebrate the Celtic in us all.

Today is always a very special day for my family. To us, St. Patrick’s Day is just as big a deal as Christmas and Easter. This is my first St. Patrick’s day in my own home, so it was a little different this year. But I still managed to see my parents and spend time with them. Family is very important in an Irish home, so I had to make sure I got to see them.

To an Irish family, St. Patrick’s day is about more than just getting wasted and eating corned beef and cabbage (although I love my CBC.) It’s about remembering that you come from somewhere and that somewhere is vital to your character, to your personality and to your future. Being Irish is being a part of a bigger group and belonging to a community of people who have family histories just like yours.

I’ve spoken before of my Irish heritage and how I’m proud of it, but St. Patrick’s Day is very important to me personally. It is the one day a year I feel justified for being proud of my ancestors without making everyone else awkward.

I am Irish and proud. And if anyone other than my boyfriend kisses me, I’ll kick your ass.

Challenge to my Readers:

Have a Happy St. Paddy’s Day!

Day One Hundred and Nineteen: Saving face

I’m very good at saving face and having pride.

In my line of work, in the shop I mean, I get a lot of people who think that they’re better than me. My roommate and I have the discussion all the time of what makes people behave the way they do, but for some reason when they walk into my shop, I am instantly dirt to them.

I had a man come in with his kids once and order from my shop. As I was ringing them up I had to duck under the counter to grab a bag. I heard the man say to his kids “This is why you go to college. So you can get a real job.”

I popped up and said “I have a master’s degree and two bachelors. This is a real job.”

I hope his kids stick him in a third rate retirement home.

I’ve got a lot of come backs and snippy remarks, but honestly I shouldn’t have to use them. It doesn’t matter if I work in an ice cream shop or a drive thru. I deserve the same amount of respect that you give everyone else. You aren’t better than me, in fact, you never will be. And each time you’re rude to a person in customer service, you’re proving that you are in fact the lesser man.

Suck on that.

Challenge to my Readers:

Be respectful towards others or they might be forced to put you in your place.

Day One Hundred and Eighteen: Changing Time

I’m changing how I use my time.

I have good time management skills, but sometimes I wonder if what I’m using my time for is good. Not good in the moral sense, but the productivity sense. When I have to get something like a project or a job done, I can get it done in a timely fashion no problem.

But I’m starting to wish I did more with my time than work. I want to start doing more stuff for myself. Sadly, most of my hours are taken up by the job thing…or the puppy thing. So I think I need to start waking up early and getting stuff done in the morning when the puppy is calm and I’m not at my job.

I hate waking up early, but it’s time to work on how I use my time.

Challenge to my Readers:

Analyze what you’re using your time for and try to balance the good and the bad, the personal and the professional. 

* I apologize to any of my man Whovian friends who may have been upset by this post. However, you're obsessed...and it's starting to scare me. 

Day One Hundred and Seventeen: Changing Style

I am changing up my style.

Yeah, I cut my hair, we’ve already discussed this several times. However, with the spring and summer months coming soon, I’m hoping to change up my style a little bit. Not dramatically, just trying some different colors and styles. Why do I feel like this is a necessary change? Because change is good.

And fun.

So I’m changing things up because I can.

Challenge to my Readers:

Change up yourself and try something new. I’m running out of cheerful things to say.

Day One Hundred and Sixteen: Changing Helpless

I am trying hard not be helpless anymore.

Okay, we all know that I’m not really helpless. I’m very independent, I hate asking for help and I’m strong willed. I would rather learn how to do something than ask other people to do it for me. Dry walling, for example. But there are times when I feel really helpless.

Have you ever had one of those days when everything goes wrong and you just want to curl up, cry and call your mom? There are days when I just want someone else to fix my problems for me so that I don’t have to. I just don’t want to be dealing with it. Grad school, for example, was the worst time of my life. I spent pretty much every day feeling like I was lost in a sea of mediocrity and pleasing others.

But I refuse to be helpless anymore. I’ve got my teaching certificate, I have my job and my novel. I’m not helpless anymore.

Take that, grad school hell.

Day One Hundred and Fifteen: Changing Self Abuse

I am very, very hard on myself.

Last night I misplaced my Kindle. And by misplaced, I mean left in my shop, plugged in and locked up, but still misplaced. I lose stuff all the time: my Ipod, my keys, my phone, everything. I am constantly looking for the trail of things I leave in my wake.

I’m also very hard on myself about this habit. My brother and my father make fun of me for it all the time. I take it very personally when I mess something up, even if it is something as simple as losing something I need. I need to be better about forgiving myself and letting things go.

So, from now on I’m going to try hard not to be so hard on myself. Which will be hard. Everything is hard.

Yeah it is.

Challenge to my Readers:

Be better about forgiving yourself. That poor test, losing your keys, burning dinner, they really aren’t a big deal in the long run. Let them go and press on.

Day One Hundred and Fourteen: Changing Reading

I think I might read a little too much.

I’m solidly addicted to literature. Sure, not such a bad thing to be addicted to. It certainly isn’t cocaine or anything, but it is starting to affect my life. I read all the time, especially at work and at home. It doesn’t sound so bad, but honestly I don’t want to spend my entire life stuck in a book, tempting as that may be.

The other thing is that reading so much is getting in the way of my writing. I would rather read than write these days, but I really need to make my writing a priority in my life. That means cutting back on my reading and focusing on my own work instead.

Challenge to my Readers:

Some addictions might not seem bad until they really start disrupting your life. Even if there is something that might be a good habit, too much can be bad for you.

Day One Hundred and Thirteen: Changing Bitter

I get bitter over things that are not my fault.

Today I came into the shop and had a cake order that was due in two hours that no one had told me about despite the fact that it usually takes twenty four hours to do a cake. It was a nightmare. But, I got it done. However, I was so irritated about everything with the cake that I was bitter the rest of my shift.

Sometimes I get really bitter about things that can’t be helped and mull them over in my mind until they become borderline obsessive. You know, like when someone cuts you off in traffic and you take personally and are in a bad mood the rest of the day.

I think the best way to fix this is to go back to what I did when I did as a kid: give everyone the benefit of the doubt. For all I know, there was a six year old girl with lymphoma on the other end of that cake order. It’s hard to be bitter when there might be a good reason for these things.

Who could deny a cake to a sick kid?

Challenge to my Readers:

Don’t be bitter about the stuff you can’t help. Try to think on the bright side and stay positive and it might make everything a little easier. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but sometimes when you grin and bear it, it can be worth it. 

Day One Hundred and Twelve: Changing Attachment

I get overly attached to inanimate objects.

I do. It has really been a problem for me in the past. When I was a little girl, my family sold the van that we had gotten before I was even born. For some reason, this van, shitty as it was, was very important to me. Before I even allowed it to be sold, I took a picture of it to keep forever.

I’m the same way with sentimental stuff like flowers and cards. Seriously, I keep flowers and cards long past the socially acceptable time to keep them because they mean something very personal to me. It has nothing to do with who sent me the card and everything to do with the fact that I was given a card at all.

I’m the kind of girl that if you handed her a used tissue and jokingly told me “keep this forever” I would.

So to work on this habit that is dangerously close to hoarding, I’ve decided to do a kind of life cleanse and get rid of the junk I have been toting around for the last several years. I think I’m going to dig through all the crap I have lying around, bite the bullet and throw it away.

I might need a very big trash bag.

Challenge to my Readers:

Sometimes we hang onto stuff a lot longer than we should. Not that I’m saying we don’t have the right to be sentimental, but sometimes we just need to clean house. Clean house and see how it feels.

Day One Hundred and Eleven: Changing Frustration

I get frustrated so very easily.

Especially things that have to do with technology. Internet, computers, televisions, cell phones and the works all drive me absolutely nuts. Seriously, it gets pretty bad. I have a really hard time handling it when things that are supposed to work don’t work the way they’re supposed to.  I get very , very upset and then Taylor has to come rescue me.

I’m going to start trying to be better about my frustration. I realize that on a logical level, getting upset doesn’t help the situation so I need to stop that right now. I need to find better outlets and calmer means of getting the things I need to work.

This one might take a while.

Challenge to my Readers:

Everybody gets frustrated. I’m not going to tell you to count to ten, because that doesn’t even work for me. But try something to calm you down, whatever it is. 

Day One Hundred and Ten: Changing Procrastination

I procrastinate.

A lot. I really do. I put things off until I absolutely have to them. For example, this novel I’m writing right now. I promised myself that I would finish it by the end of Lent (Catholic thing) and I’ll probably wait until Easter Eve before I actually get it done.

I want to stop procrastinating, especially on the things that matter to me, like this novel. And job applications and stuff for my PHD and everything else that I need to do. The only thing that I don’t really procrastinate on is anything that has to do with my puppy. Of course, if I get lazy with him he pees on the carpet.

Challenge to my Readers:

Stop procrastinating on the things that matter to you. Even on the stuff that doesn’t matter like the dishes.

Day One Hundred and Nine: Change

Okay, so I’m working on a lot of stuff.

Personally I mean. And this blog is supposed to be all about all the stuff I like about myself, but there is a lot of stuff about myself that I don’t like. Stuff I’m really working on to become a better person. So I figured what I’m most proud of right now is the stuff I’m changing about myself.

I think for a few days I’m going to write about what I’m working on with myself. I think this might be substantially harder than the things I like about myself, but that is what I’m doing this for.

Yay fun.

Challenge to my Readers:  Everyone has something they want to change about themselves or something they want to work on. Don’t hide it, be proud of the fact that you’re willing to change.

Day One Hundred and Eight: Bare

I am comfortable without makeup.

Okay, so I’ve talked before about how I wear makeup now even though I never used to. The other night I was talking to a coworker who was describing her roommate to me. She told me that this girl had to be dressed to the nines at all time and wouldn’t even show her face if there wasn’t makeup on it. I have a few friends from the South and I know this is a thing down there: women who are actually afraid of going anywhere without makeup on.

Now, I know there are a lot of girls like my roommate who wear their makeup a lot and wear it really well and like to get all pretty even just to go out during the day. They aren’t scared to be without makeup, they just like looking pretty and it’s part of who they are. But there were these girls I knew in high school who believed that going around even at school (an all girls’ school, for Christ’s sake) without makeup somehow made you less of a person.

They told me that when I didn’t wear makeup, I was ugly.

We can debate back and forth on the value of makeup and cosmetics all day. I know that it isn’t for the sake of turning someone ugly into someone pretty. I don’t believe that makeup can do that because these girls were ugly because their hearts were ugly. It had nothing to do with their face. I know that makeup is for enhancing beauty and that it makes you feel good.

But damn it if I’m not lazy.

Right now I’m sitting in a Starbucks without any makeup on with a spot on my nose that’s been there so long I think I’m going to call it Edward.

  And I feel just fine. There are plenty of girls here who are wearing makeup and plenty who are not. But when we smile at each other, we smile back. Because this isn’t freaking high school anymore and no one is judging me on my appearance.

It’s Starbucks….they’re judging me on my lack of Apple products.

Challenge to my Readers:

Be comfortable today. Whatever that means to you. Go makeup free and feel proud. Wear a pair of sweats to the gym instead of those tiny ass bike shorts that cannot feel good in spin class. Take a look around and try to find the people who look the most like they’re comfortable in their own skin. Emulate. 

Day One Hundred and Seven: Experimental

I like to try new things.

Yesterday my boyfriend and I made a trip to a store we had never been to before. That’s all you get to know about it. But it was super fun.

I like to change things up. I like to try new foods, go to new places and meet new people. I love to travel. Newness is a way of cleansing the pallet and releasing the mind. I get to be free and make my own choices.  

My biggest experiment is yet to come. A few of you know that I’ve written a book and am in the process of writing its sequel. But after I write the sequel, before I write the third part, I’m going to take a break from my usual writing and try something different. I usually write young adult, paranormal stuff, because that’s fun for me. But I’ve been reading a lot of kids books with the kids I babysit, so I was thinking I might write some stuff for them. Or, on the opposite end, maybe I can write a grown up thriller kind of thing, you know, guns and buns.

I have to break out and try new things. A stagnant life is hardly a life at all.

Challenge to my Readers:

Try something new today. It doesn’t have to be big. It doesn’t have to mean anything. But try it. Even if you just take a different road home or a different flavor of chips at lunch. Go for it. What’s the worst that could happen?

(Don’t answer that.)

Day One Hundred and Six: Daring

I am not afraid of change.

Lately everything in my life feels like it’s been in a rut. I’ve been pretty sick and tired lately and it seems like I’m stuck in a cycle of being ill and being sleepy. Everything has seemed a little out of control and it just feels like I’m drowning.

I got my license. I have a job. I’m writing. I have my puppy. I have a loving boyfriend. I have an awesome roommate. I should be happy as a clam. But something feels like it is missing from my life.

So, because I can’t figure out anything else to do, I cut off all my hair.

Yeah, you heard that right.

Okay, not all of it. But I’ve been growing it out for over two years now and yesterday I decided to get rid of it. For some girls this is a pretty big decision, but for me it’s just kind of what I do when I need a change. I think it takes a lot of courage to change something about your appearance. Getting a piercing or a tattoo, changing your hair color or style, even just changing the way you dress.

But it helps. That few second of courage that it takes to hand the scissors to a very nice man at the Great Clips down the road tells yourself that you have courage. It tells you that you have the balls, you have the guts, to do anything. Even if right now, anything is only cutting your hair, it is still something.

Something is always better than nothing.

Challenge to my Readers:

Take the jump and do something daring today. Wear makeup you wouldn’t normally wear. Rock a pair of red cowboy boots. Sing and dance as loud as you can. Take a run. Dare to have the courage you need, the courage to show the world that you are going places and no one can hold you back.

Day One Hundred and Five: Apologize

I apologize for everything.

This is something that I’ve been working on. If you know me, you know I apologize for everything from burnt toast to traffic. Even if it is something I have no control over, I apologize because it makes me feel like I have control over it.

The other night Taylor was trying to teach me how to play chess. Our lesson should have taken an hour tops but we ended up playing for like, three hours. I kept apologizing for how long it was taking and eventually I had to admit defeat when I ran out of moves. After a while, Taylor started to get sick of my apologies and told me to stop.

When I was a fencer, I used to tell people sorry when I beat them. I apologize for everything. But it’s part of who I am and even though I’m trying to reel it back, I won’t stop. I think that sometimes we forget that we should be sorry for mistakes we make. I get that mistakes and accidents happen, but that doesn’t me we shouldn’t claim a little bit of the fault when they do.

Challenge to my Readers:

Everyone has a catch phrase they probably use way too often. Mine is “I’m Sorry” but I’ve heard a lot of others. Try to figure out that thing you fall back on when you’re out of other stuff to say and try to isolate why you say it. 

Day One Hundred and Four: Signs

I am a believer in signs.

In the back of my ipod case I have a little fortune from a fortune cookie that I got a while back. It says Never Quit. I used to have another one that said Accept Yourself. I put them there because I pulled them from fortune cookies and they really spoke to me. Anyway, the one that said Accept Yourself has vanished somehow, not sure how it escaped, but it has. I’ve taken that as a sign that I don’t need that piece of advice anymore.

I am a firm believer in the idea that the universe sends us signals and that if we listen to those signals, we will find our way. It seems kind of silly, because I really believe in signs for even small things. That dress I really want at the store? If I come back three times over the course of a few weeks and it’s still there, then it’s meant to be. If not, then it wasn’t meant to be.

I like the idea that somewhere out there, some benevolent being is leaving a trail of breadcrumbs, giving me a chance to figure out what I’m really meant to do in this life. I’m not the kind of person who spends and excessive amount of time praying or meditating on things, I just keep my eyes open and hope for the best.

Right now I’m really looking for a sign that I’m headed the right way. Hopefully one will come along sooner rather than later.

Challenge to my Readers:

There are hints everywhere. Try following the signs and see where they take you. Sometimes you might make a wrong turn, but at least you tried. Just don’t follow any ‘signs’ down suspicious alleys. That’s how you lose a kidney.